Mrs. Swanson smiles
written by:
Keith

I have been divorced for five years. My wife Beth drove off after leaving a note and I haven't seen her since. She said she had to "find herself" and that I hadn't been supportive because I was "not sensitive enough to detect her emotional pain." She calls our daughters, now ages 11 and 8, every year on their birthdays and Christmas. Every time she promises to visit but never does. Guess she is still looking for herself. Fortunately, my little family has given up the search and moved on with their lives.

The last few years have been tough. I was a business consultant but I had to find a job that didn't require being out of town several nights a week so I got a job in Human Resources with a local company while I got my law degree. Now I have my own small law practice with just me and a part time para-legal. For the most part I like it. Some of the work is boring but some very interesting and I make decent money - not as much as I was making before - but I am my own boss and don't have to travel.

I was able to get a one-day a week housekeeper. I was also able to hire a part time babysitter (companion?) a couple of years ago, Mrs. Swanson, a 50-year old neighbor, who has been a godsend. Her husband travels a lot and she is always available when I need her. My daughter Grace (11) and Laura (8) love her and she puts in a lots more hours than I pay her for because she says "being with Grace and Laura isn't work; it's fun. Besides, I need them more than they need me."

We live in a small town; there aren't many eligible women so I have only dated sporadically since my wife left and our divorce was final. This may sound cynical and unkind but it seems like the very few eligible women in their 30s have about as many hang-ups as Beth had. For example, in the last year, I have had a few dates with two women. Julie has never been married and lived with her elderly mother. She is 29 and actually has a curfew! Maybe curfew is the wrong word but twice she told me she had to get home by 10:00 to "run Mama's bath and put her to bed." In some circumstances, if her mother were sick or something, that would be an indication that she is loyal and kind to her poor ill mom. But, her mother is 56 and is more active than Julie is! And once we went to a movie and she asked if her mother could come along because "she gets lonely."

The other woman I dated this year was named Kim and the first time I saw her, at the pool of the local country club, I thought she was one of the most attractive women I had ever seen. She had just gotten divorced for the second time but I figured, hell we all make mistakes...I mean I married Beth didn't I? So that didn't really bother me. We started dating, had a great time, and on the second date, we had sex; she was an amazing sex partner...up for anything, anytime, anywhere. I wasn't in any particular hurry to get re-married or anything but I felt really good about where this was going; she was funny, beautiful and very sexy. I had introduced her to my kids and she seemed good with them but she was only with them a short time. So Kim and I were doing well, until one weekend she wanted to go an art show a couple of hours away. I told her that Mrs. Swanson was not feeling well so we'd have to take Grace and Laura. They are both lovely girls, very kind and sweet and they like most people. In the couple of times Kim had been around them she commented about what adorable children they were. Therefore, I really didn't expect to have any issues. Since we'd planned to stay overnight, I told Kim that I wasn't quite ready for the girls to find out we were intimate so we needed to get separate rooms. She went along with it until we left and it was evident that she was pouting. To make a long story short, it was one of the worst weekends I'd ever had. She was horrible to my kids and finally, on Saturday afternoon, I told her that we were going home. It was a very, very long car ride. So much for Kim.

It may be just as well that female pickings locally are slim because, between trying to build a law practice and taking care of the house and girls, I have very little recreational time. Both of the girls are into sports and other after-school activities, and it seems like we spend most of our time in the car. But, lack of available women is hell on me sexually. I have always had a high sex drive and even though Beth and I had many problems, sex wasn't one of them. That part of our life was great; it was simply a lot of the other parts that caused problems. I have to admit that I was at fault for a lot of it. I loved consulting and I made great money so I threw everything I had into it. This meant I was on the road a lot and, as she often complained, even when I wasn't away, I was. I doted on my girls. Often, when I had free time, I spent it with them. That left little time for Beth and me.

While Beth disliked how much I worked, she loved the money that rolled in. It permitted her to indulge her many fancies, particularly with clothes and travel. She was from Georgetown in Washington DC and she still kept active in the social life there, even though it was a three-hour drive from our small Virginia town. I often tried to convince her that if she was going to donate so much money to various social events, fund-raisers, balls etc., why didn't she spend it locally where we could see the impact. Needless to say, I was not convincing in my argument. I finally figured out that her involvement in those things had nothing to do with charity; rather it was all about being a big deal in a bigger place than our little village on the Virginia coast. I thought for a while that she was perhaps having an affair in DC but I now believe it was status and the society swirl, not romance, that got her juices flowing.

Obviously thousands of couples divorce every year so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised but I was truly shocked when she left, not because she left me but because of the girls. I totally understand how she may have been bored with me or wanted to live in a larger, more vibrant place but how can a woman walk away from her kids? A few times Beth mentioned wanting to move but it seemed like idle musing at the time, not a serious proposal, but I should have been a better listener. In the end though, I think she was simply bored being a wife and mother. After she called me a few days after she left, I told her we could work something out so she could be part of the girls' lives, that I was even willing to move. Her reply was, "maybe we can work something out later. Right now, I need to look into my soul and figure out who I am and frankly, that takes all my energy right now." I hope the reader can interpret that better than I can.

Fortunately, kids are remarkably resilient. Laura barely remembers her mother; Grace is able to recall many things we did as a family and she actually has some fond, loving memories of her mother. But, she quit asking about her a few months after Beth left and now the girls barely mention her, except to laugh after another of Beth's promises to visit. Even the gifts they occasionally get from their mother bemuses more that amuses them. It is like things are frozen in time for Beth; the gifts are for girls much younger than Grace and Laura. They often laugh that we need to adopt a couple of younger kids so someone can use the toys and clothes. We donate them.

As I said, it hasn't been as easy for me. There are a lot of things I miss about marriage but two of them stand out. One is the regular sex and the other is the feeling that someone was there with me to help raise the girls. I was totally unprepared for being a single parent; I could cook okay and wash clothes but I didn't know how to pick out their clothes or dress them and do their hair etc. And things like paying bills, shopping, running errands, doing to school meetings etc. was initially overwhelming. I only had one family member close by and that was a sister than lived a few miles away but she was a single mom so it wasn't any easier for her than it was for me.

Beth had drained us financially with her trips and social/charity events so when she left, we had a little over $10,000 in the bank and very little equity in the house. Her family was well off and I think they supported her but I wouldn't feel right accepting any money from them even if they'd offered. But they did sent gifts and called the girls occasionally. My mother was still living in Florida but her small pension was just enough for her. So when I had to quit my job to take over as a sole parent, I had to scramble. Luckily I got a partial scholarship to law school and was able to get through that in four years, with a lot of work and sleeplessness, and a lot of my professors feeling sorry for me I suspect. I also had a very understanding employer that let me work as much as I wanted.

As I said, our neighbor, Mrs. Swanson, is a big, big help. I feel guilty about how often she looks after the girls, cooking for them, taking them places etc. She seems to be the complete mother type; she raised two boys but they are living in other parts of the country so I suppose Grace and Laura are like replacement kids. For years she was a consummate volunteer, primarily for various child welfare agencies and she continues to be active in many of them. As I said, her husband is on the road a lot, even on some weekends so part of her motivation may be that she is simply lonely. She doesn't have any close family nearby but she has lots of friends but again, I think the girls fill a void in her life; she needs someone to care for.

It was serendipitous that I'd hired her to begin with. She lives down the street and I didn't know her all that well, just to say hi to occasionally when we were both running on the beach. For the few years after Beth left, I hired a series of sitters to look after the girls when I was working and some of them were good, some not so much, but all left for various reasons so when I met Mrs. Swanson, I didn't have anyone.

For the first time in several weeks after the last sitter left, I found a small window of time to run again for an hour or so, and she happened be running on the beach as well. We left at about the same time so we walked back our street together. She mentioned that she hadn't seen me in a while and I briefly told her that I was busy with the girls since my wife and I had split up and I'd love my latest sitter. She knew I was divorced of course and what my situation was. I was surprised when she called that evening and asked if we could meet. I had no idea what it was about but we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop after the kids left for pre-school.

She told me that she realized I didn't know her well but that she would be glad to help take care of the girls because she knew I was snowed under with work and trying to take care of a house and family. She said she didn't mean for money, just to help out occasionally. She even offered references in case I wondered if she "was a psycho or kidnapper." I thought she was doing just because she felt sorry for me and I didn't want that, so I told her that we were managing but I appreciated the offer and that I had no qualms about her character or concerns about any past or potential criminality. She told me if I changed my mind and needed anything to please let her know.

Fact is Mrs. Swanson has a sterling reputation. As I said, she has been involved in many causes and was active on the school and library board and many other civic and charitable activities. She is always extremely polite and kind and impeccably dressed. And she seemed to be bursting with energy. She was only 5'3" or so, and slim and fit, and everything about her exuded vitality.

So my resolve to go it alone lasted exactly three days. Laura was ill with a virus and couldn't go to school and I was scheduled for a court date I had to make. My three or four other possible sitters were tied up so in desperation I called Mrs. Swanson. She cheerfully said that all she was doing that morning was straightening the house and would be glad to get away from that for a while. So she walked over. I told her I'd be gone around three hours and that Laura had gone back to sleep so all she really had to do was just be there when Laura woke up. I'd already told Laura that someone else would be there to stay with her.

After I got out of court, I got back home and noticed the house was straightened and the breakfast dishes were washed. I heard giggling from Laura's bedroom. I went in and they were having a contest to see who could make the funniest faces. Mrs. Swanson won. As Laura said, "it was noooo contest." The point was they were having a great time, like they'd known each other for years. After she met her, quickly Grace felt the same way; that was Mrs. Swanson for you.

After a couple of more emergencies that I had to appeal to Mrs. Swanson for, I finally told her that I felt really guilty about calling on her so much and asked if I could pay her to help with the kids. At first she was seemed insulted but quickly saw that I would call on her more if I could pay her for it. So she agreed to 20 hours per week for $150...donated to a charity she selected. In the few years that she had been taking care of the kids, the only times she was with them less than 20 hours was a few weeks when she went to visit relatives. Most of the time, it was 30 or more hours and often, several hours on weekends. I tried to re-negotiate the arrangement several times in light of how much time she was spending but she kept saying "a deal is a deal and if she get sick or want to take a trip and didn't work 20 hours one week, I still want that $150." She truly didn't see it as a burden; she has the ability of taking care of the girls as she goes about the things she does anyway. For example, she is an avid gardener and the girls loved helping her out so they spent untold hours on both our yards, planting, landscaping, maintenance, etc. She also volunteered at the library and it gave them a chance to go with her and read, which they both loved. Oftentimes she set up playdates with other kids so it wasn't uncommon to find 4-5 girls at either my house or hers.

In all the years I have known Mrs. Swanson, I only talked to her husband a handful of times. He was nice enough but he always seemed remote and distracted. I don't think I ever saw them together away from their home and she never talked about activities they did as a couple. He was the owner of a regional construction company and would stay gone for at least part of most weeks and he'd been doing so for years before I met her. If it bothered Mrs. Swanson, I never heard her complain. They seemed to be occupying a common house rather than being married and I sometimes wondered how intimate they were, not that it was any of my business. But, with the dearth of sex that I was experiencing, almost every female's sex life interested me.

I must say that I had such an idealized view of Mrs. Swanson that at first, I didn't think of her sexually, but a couple of times when I picked up the girls they were in the pool and when I saw her in her swimsuit, I suspect that any healthy man would notice. She was petite and seemed small and slight but with a swimsuit on, her curves were accentuated. Her breasts weren't big but they looked tight and firm. She also has very nice legs, and a nice ass, albeit not as firm as an 18-year old's but nicely shaped. The other thing that was noticeable was that her nipples looked like they must be amazing, big and hard-looking underneath the thin fabric of the suit, and I am a sucker for big nipples (pun intended in case you were wondering.)

It was another very warm day and Mrs. Swanson had taken them to the beach so I called and she said they were back and all out at the pool. She asked if I wanted to bring over a swimsuit and join them for a swim and hamburgers. That sounded great so I changed and walked to her house.

Even though we lived in the same neighborhood, her house was considerably larger and more elaborate than ours. And the yard was probably twice as big. I went around to the back and heard the girls and two of their friends splashing around. After several hours at the beach one would think they would be worn out but they seemed to be as energetic as when they left home this morning.

They urged me to jump in and join them so I did so and for 30 minutes or so, we splashed around and played Marco Polo and some kind of chasing game that I never did understand the rules of. Mrs. Swanson was inside getting a few things ready for cooking out. When she returned, I got out of the pool and slipped on a t-shirt so I could help with the grilling.

After we ate, the kids went inside to take a shower and watch a movie. Mrs. Swanson brought out a bottle of wine and we sat at the pool and talked. Strangely enough, after knowing her for years, this is the first time we'd ever sat down together having a glass of wine, or any alcoholic beverage. There were very few times we'd ever even spent more than a few minutes alone, without the girls.

"So, Stu, how have you been? Getting your practice going?" she asked.

"Things are going well, Mrs. Swan...I mean Liz. I know you keep reminding me to call you that but I hear the girls say Mrs. Swanson so much, I guess I just am in the habit. But, anyway, things are going pretty well. It's a little bit of a slow process; the population around here isn't large of course and there are too many lawyers looking for work, but my strategy is to do a great job for everyone and hang onto them once I get them."

"That makes a lot of sense. Do you specialize in one area of the law?"

I laughed, "Not really, at least not yet. Right now, I take whatever comes in but I'd like to specialize later, and focus more on business law, estate planning etc. Criminal law is interesting but it doesn't pay much, even when you can get paid. I am not particularly interested in personal injury kinds of things, closing on houses and things like that but as I said, initially I am trying to build a reputation and a client base. I am starting over at 36."

Mrs. Swanson...Liz...was still in a swimsuit. Over that, she had on some kind of mesh cover-up that buttoned around the breast and hung unbuttoned to just below her knees. So I could see the outline of her body pretty well. As I said, every time I saw her figure, I was taken back about how full and lush it is whereas in everyday clothes she looks much slighter. I guess it was because she was just small-boned. Her hair was pulled back and clamped and I realized I probably never saw her with her hair down.

As we chatted, the cover-up draped open and so I had a good view of her legs which did not look at all like those of a woman in her 50s. She is a runner and works out at her home gym pretty avidly so maybe that explains how toned and healthy she looks, probably that and good genes. She is always neat and well-groomed and dresses fashionably. I think if I were Mr. Swanson, I'd be staying home more.

We talked about a range of subjects for an hour or so until I thought I'd better get the kids home for the evening.

Over the next few weeks our paths crossed a few times but most of our conversations were quick ones regarding the comings and goings of the kids. She then went away for a few days and I didn't hear from her until she picked up the kids one morning.

"Stu, do you have some time later today or tomorrow to talk for a few minutes. I have a legal issue I need to discuss with you," she asked as I walked to my car.

So, we set it up to meet at our house at five. I have an office there that I occasionally meet clients in so it was fully functional. She got right down to business.

"Stu, this is a little awkward and sensitive but I'd like to retain you to look into some legal issues for me. And I know what you're going to say but I insist on paying you your full rate for all the hours you spend on this. So, we go any further, do you agree?

"Okay, I agree even though I am not happy with it. You know I'd help you any way I can without any pay at all. Think of the hundreds of hours you've worked for this family for nothing," I replied.

"Stu, I've told you over and over, it isn't work for me. Now will you do it or should I get someone else?"

I laughed, "you drive a hard bargain, Liz. Okay, what's on your mind, and before you leave you can sign a retainer agreement."

"Good, glad we settled the terms of this. Here's what I need. I want you to make sure that my rights are protected. Jess and I have been married for over 30 years and he has done really, really well. Don't read anything into this but I want to find out if I am adequately protected in case...well, if he died, became disabled, or we got divorced or something. You never know what could happen in life and I just want to make sure that if something did happen, I won't have to go out and get a job."

"As I said, Liz, I will be glad to help you, but I know you have a personal attorney, and there are firms that specialize in trusts and estates, with much more experience than I do. I will be glad to come up with some names for you if you like."

"Stu, I trust you. That's why I ask."

I had questions about why she wanted to do this but she seemed determined. So, I explained to Liz what I could do and what I couldn't, without more access to financial records. One of the first questions of course was their estimated net worth and how it was arranged, whose name it was in etc.

Over the next few weeks, I looked into it as deeply as possible and scheduled another meeting.

"Liz, as best as I can determine you are very well protected. As you surmised, your combined net worth could be worth anywhere from $25 million to $50 million or more depending on market conditions. Much of it is in commercial property so that's hard to value."

For the next twenty minutes, I went over what I found out in detail. Everything looked to be in order, at least based on what was available for me to review. Things were titled properly, state laws were favorable to spouses, etc., but for some reason Liz still seemed unsure and apprehensive.

"Liz, perhaps it is none of my business and if you don't want to tell me, just say so, but what has got you so concerned about this?" I inquired.

She replied tersely as she got up to leave, "thanks Stu. You did a great job on this and I appreciate it. Now, please give me an invoice, with all your hours and your normal rate. Please just give it to me when it's ready; do not mail it. I'll see you tomorrow when I pick up the girls."

She seemed disturbed when she left but I knew she was a very private person, so I didn't think any more about it. It was obvious that she didn't altogether trust her husband but she wasn't willing to talk about it so that was that.

Over the several days, I only saw Liz momentarily a few times when we were dealing with the logistics of looking after the girls. She seemed the same as always so I assumed the subject of her legal concerns were ameliorated somewhat and that the awkwardness we felt when I questioned her was forgotten.

Over the following Friday night, Grace and Laura had finagled me into letting them invite four of their friends to spend the night so Liz dropped them off and offered to stay for a couple of hours to get them fed and settled in. I replied with more confidence than I had that I could handle it but she saw through that pretty easily.

We set up a volleyball net in the backyard and played for over an hour and then we took all the girls over to Liz's for a swim and snacks. Our objective was to get them exhausted and it worked. By the time we got them back home and after their showers, they settled down in front of the basement TV with pizzas. Liz and I went upstairs.

"Liz, as usual, you have been a treasure. Thank you so much. Looking after two girls is exhausting and six would have been impossible without you. But I've kept you too long already. I think they're down for the count, don't you?"

She replied, "yeah, I think so. But you never know about kids their age I guess. They may get a second head of steam anytime. I'm going home to get a shower but if there is anything I can do, or anything comes up, please call me. Jess is out of town so I can come over anytime."

She called at a little after ten and I told her everything was great except that they were agitating for ice cream; I had forgotten to pick up anything for dessert.

"I'd take them out but they all have on their PJs and I can't haul them all anyway. They'll get over it. They just started watching another movie so I'm hoping they'll fall asleep soon anyway," I said.

"Nonsense. Girls on sleepovers deserve some ice cream. Take their orders and call me and I will pick it up and drop it off."

I protested but as usual she insisted so thirty minutes later she showed up with ice cream for the six girls, and a couple of cups for us as well.

"I figure you deserve a treat as well, Stu, and I may not deserve it but I want it. So let's have it."

We sat in my den while the girls took theirs back downstairs. We chatted desultorily while we ate our ice cream.

"So where is Jess this weekend?" I inquired.

"Who knows. He's got a new project in Greensboro so I think he is staying there over the weekend but I'm not sure. He'll probably call later or maybe tomorrow. He is gone so much I can't keep up with where he is most of the time."

I mused about what a strange marriage she had but of course I didn't say anything, but the issue did come up a little later.

"Stu, I want to apologize for how I acted when you did the legal work for me. By the way, I intend to pay for that this next week so get your invoice together. But when you asked why I was doing this I shouldn't have snapped at you."

I started to protest that I didn't perceive her as snapping at me; that I was just too nosy.

"No, you were acting as my attorney," she replied, "and had every right to ask me that. Stu, as I'm sure you observed, Jess and I don't have a really close marriage the way a lot of people do. He stays gone more than he is home. So, I was just concerned....see, I have known for years that Jess has another woman he has been having an affair with for years, maybe more than he does me nowadays. He doesn't know that I know, at least doesn't know for sure, but I do. He started having one affair after another a long time ago but for the last five years or so, I think it is just the one woman. That's probably where he is tonight. While I understand that and it really doesn't bother me much anymore, I do want to make sure I'm protected if something happens to him. So, that's why I asked you to look into this, just to make sure I wasn't totally exposed in some way."

I can't say I was terribly surprised that Jess is having an affair. Heck, he stayed gone so much it almost seemed inevitable. But, I was surprised at how matter-of-factly she related all this to me.

"Liz, I'm sorry for that. I know it must be tough on you. Why...maybe I shouldn't ask this but why do you put up with it? That would be tough, for me at least."

She smiled ruefully, "I know what you are saying, Stu, and at first it was very, very tough but I have gotten used to it. Why don't I get a divorce? That is a very good question that I've asked myself over and over. I guess I just am comfortable or something. At first, the kids were young and I rationalized that when they got into college I would leave, and then I thought when they got out of college, and now? As I said, I guess I just do it because it is well...convenient. I like Jess even though I don't love him anymore. And sometimes, when he's home we enjoy each other's company, going out to dinner together, or watching a movie. He's actually a good man, Stu, and in many ways this my fault. I didn't...well, sometimes I wasn't what he wanted or needed in a wife, or God, this is too complicated to explain."

"Liz, I hope you understand that you don't have to explain anything to me. I shouldn't even have asked the question. But, for what it's worth, I can't imagine you not being the wife he needed. You are a wonderful woman....smart, poised, attractive, kind. I know there's no accounting for differences in people but this can't be your fault."

She smiled, "Stu, that's very kind of you. But, see....well, there is more than brains or looks or those kind of things you see on the surface. People just have different needs. I'm not saying he wasn't attracted to me, necessarily. For a long time, everything seemed to work okay at least until it kinda stopped working so well. God, why did I ever get into talking about this."

"Maybe because I encouraged you to or something Liz. I won't push you to elaborate on that but let's just say, I'm still in the dark. But it is your business and I won't pry anymore."

"You're not prying Stu. I know how to turn people off if they pry too much. I've been doing that for years. We live in a small town you know, so everybody is always prying about Jess and me. But, for some reason, I just told you more than I've ever told anyone. I guess I just trust you and am comfortable with you. Or maybe the ice cream affected my brain. Let me try to explain a little more. After a few years of marriage, when the kids were getting involved with kids their age and before Jess traveled so much, we...we had more time together and maybe in some ways we just got to know each other a little better. Or, maybe, slowly over time, we'd each changed. But we started noticing things and the more we noticed, the more we realized that neither one of us were quite what we thought the other one was, or that we had changed. We grew to have different tastes...and needs, I guess is the right term. We both changed, or our desires and needs matured or ripened or something. I make it sound dramatic and maybe it was. If I had to encapsulate it, I'd say I looked at him one day and said, ‘you know Jess, up until the last year or so, I didn't know that's what you liked.' And he did the same with me. It's like looking at leaves that change from green to brown. You don't really know they're not green anymore until you see them and they're brown, and you don't remember things in between, and you don't see them changing."

There was a pause for a bit, and I cleared my throat, "maybe it's that way in most marriages that don't quite work. I know Beth and I changed and grew apart. But she seemed to change more than I did, or maybe it was like she said in the end, she grew and I didn't. It seems like when people morph into something they weren't before, that say, ‘I've grown as a person.' When we began to get serious about each other, she often talked about how much she wanted kids and how a place on the coast would be so nice. And for a few years, she seemed really happy. She was raised in Georgetown and loved an active social life much more than I did. I think she just got bored. I know some of it was my fault; I was gone a lot and she got lonely, and antsy, in a small town. But it also had to be more than that; otherwise how could she not want to see her daughters once in five years? That is what is so amazing to me. Their mother lives three hours away and they don't even know her."

I abruptly stopped. "I forgot, we were talking about you weren't we Liz and I kept ranting on. Sorry I got carried away." She started to protest but I asked her, "so, how did you and Jess grow apart? I mean, what changed?"

She sat quietly for a moment as if she was struggling about how much to share and then she looked at her watch and stood. "Wow, it's later than I thought. I think the girls have settled down so I'd better let you get to bed. It has been a long day."

I thought about our conversation a lot over the next few days. Twice now, as we talked about her marriage, she would take the conversation only so far and then she would clam up. But I was intrigued about all this for another reason. Ever since I'd seen Liz in a swimsuit, I began to think of her as a woman as opposed to an older woman who helped take care of my kids. She was very attractive from every angle - looks, intelligence, poise, character - and as I said, I was in a major sexual drought so it's natural to have some amorous feelings creeping in. It wasn't like she displayed her sexuality at all; to the contrary, she dressed stylishly but conservatively and she did not in any way display any attempt to appear sexual. From the standpoint of appearance and behavior, she could have been a nun. But, I had the feeling there was something there, lurking, and I wished I knew more about it.

The opportunity of having a longer conversation came sooner than I expected. The girls were going away for a long weekend with friends so Liz thoughtfully helped me get them ready to leave. I have to admit that I would have forgotten half the stuff they needed to take with them if she hadn't been there. A couple of hours after she left, she called and asked if I could help her. She was keeping her friends dog and somehow he'd escaped the backyard. She'd already gotten a couple of people and they were scouring the neighborhood. So, I rode around and finally saw the dog dart behind a house. I finally was able to corner her and hold her until I called Liz to come with a leash. I drove both Liz and the dog back home.

"Stu, thank you so much for helping. I don't know what I would've done if that spoiled little pooch had gotten away. Can you come in for a while? I owe you a drink at least."

So, we both got a glass of wine and sat in her den where she built a small fire. It was one of the biggest dens I'd ever seen but the seating area in front of the fireplace was cozy and intimate. We sat in two stuffed chairs that were both angled towards the fireplace. We chatted for a while about the girls, how quickly the summer had ended and fall had started etc. I finally broached the subject of her husband.

"I saw Jess in the front yard this morning when I left for the office. Is he in town?"

"No, not tonight," she responded. "He left this morning and will be gone for a few days. I think he is in Greensboro again but to be honest I'm not sure. I quit asking him questions about his trips a long time ago. He'll call in the next day or so and let me know when he'll be home. Strange relationship isn't it? I know no one can understand it, but, other than the lack of any kind of intimacy, it works in some ways, or maybe I'm just rationalizing."

Given how she reacted a couple of times before, on one level I was afraid to ask any questions but on another, she seemed to open the door to a conversation. So when I got back after re-filling our wineglasses, I responded.

"I understand that to a point, Liz, but that's almost like having a roommate instead of a spouse. Don't you miss the intimacy? God knows I do...I mean touch and closeness...I missed that after Beth left for a long time, and still do, I admit."

She paused so long I was afraid she was getting ready to shut the conversation off again but she was just organizing her thoughts.

"Stu, remember when we talked a few days ago about Jess and how we'd changed? I've been thinking about that and what I should have said is that I think we were always the way we are now but we overlooked it the first part of our marriage. That was when we had changed, or faking it, trying to make it work, and oftentimes succeeding, but then later, we kinda returned to what we were at the beginning."

"I have to admit, Liz, I'm not quite sure what you mean. Do you mean that people have basic natures that they probably eventually go back to or that is ultimately revealed? Don't you think that people can change some of those things permanently? I'm not the same person I was as a child or teenager or even when I was a young man."

She thought for a moment. "I think people can change of course but I think a lot of what we are is hardwired in. For example, if we're shy, we can work to role-play and cope with it, very successfully at times, but that doesn't mean we turn into a extrovert. Or if we are homosexual, we can maybe get married to the opposite sex, have sexual relations, and have kids but I'm not sure we won't always have homosexual tendencies. I'm talking to fundamental things, not casual habits, how we dress, etc. I mean deep-seated behavior, character, or physical traits."

"Genetic?"

"Not necessarily genetic or who knows, it may be, but characteristics that no matter hard you try you simply can't totally change, whether it derives from heredity, environment, or alchemy. For years, I suppressed some parts of me but they came out eventually, and then I tried to be someone else totally, and that didn't work either. And the same thing was true for Jess I think. Intentions and hard work aren't enough; as the trite saying goes, sometimes ‘it is what it is' and that's what we both figured out. So...I guess you could say, we reached an understanding."

I sat there for a while, seeing if she would keep going. I suppose the silence was awkward for her so she did continue.

"See Stu...this is...maybe it's the effect of the wine but let me explain more. One of the reasons I said earlier that Jess's infidelity is partly my fault is that I didn't please him sexually any more. I couldn't. And...well, I will leave it at that. I couldn't give him what he needed. When I admitted that to him, he probably didn't have much choice. After all, he was, and is, still healthy and has sexual needs so what else could he do?"

I got up to re-fill our glasses and before sitting back down, I asked, what about you Liz? How about your sexual needs?"

She reddened and looked very uncomfortable.

"Well, Stu, I guess....over the years I guess I've tried to bury them in some way, at least as far as real sex is concerned. See, what happened is that Jess and I realized we were just alike in our sexual needs. We are both....submissive I guess is the right term. We want someone else to take charge. How it manifests itself for each of us is different but the basic urging or whatever you call it is the same. He wants a woman to dominate him, in some cases, very directly and harshly. I wasn't the woman to do that by any stretch. Heck, I tried but of course it didn't work. And bless him, he tried to be dominant but that was even more of a disaster. It was almost funny for us to try. A few times we even ended up laughing. So what happened is that for a few years, we didn't have any sex at all. Then he found someone and then someone else. Well, I've told you that before."

"But, you still didn't answer me Liz and this time please answer me. How about your sexual needs? How have you dealt with them? How do you deal with them? And I want complete candor this time."

This was a challenging and risky approach to take but several things crossed my mind. One was that I have always been dominant in sexual relationships and submissive women turned me on greatly. Second, I had the sense that she had to be pushed, or led as the case may be. Lastly, I was incredibly aroused at the moment and thought the risk was worth the potential reward.

She looked at me in a different way than she had before. She cleared her throat and said softly, "one time I did have an affair with a man that I thought was dominant but as it turned out he was just cruel, and inept. And this is a small town Stu so there....wasn't a lot to choose from I guess."

I put my glass down and put my hand on hers. "Liz, you still didn't answer me and I am going to ask you again. How do you take care of your sexual needs now? I masturbate to take care of mine and think about people when I do. Or don't you have any sexual feelings anymore? Have you lost them Liz? Don't you think of a man taking you and using you like you need to be used?"

She reddened again and replied, her voice changed, more throaty. "Yes, I have sexual needs and I...I...I take care of them myself. I have things to help. And if your question is am I submissive, I would say more than ever, even without a dominant partner. Stu...when you...you say you think about people when you...you...take care of yourself. Who...who do you think about"

"I'll tell you later. But answer my question. Do you do it every day Liz? Take care of your needs?"

"I...I don't. I can't talk about this Stu. Please, please."

I moved my chair closer and put my hand on her knee.

"Answer me, Liz. I've asked you before and I want you promise to tell me the truth. Do you trust me enough to do that Liz? If you don't, I won't ask you any more. We won't even discuss this again. But, if you say yes, then I expect you to be honest with me. Do you trust me Liz?

"Yes, of course I trust you Stu." she replied meekly.

"Okay, I will ask you again, do you have needs that you take care of every day? Or most days, Liz."

"Stu, I...yes, almost every day, and once in a while...well, some days more."

"How Liz, how do you take care of yourself? Fingers? Or do you have something else."

"I...I...yes, I use my fingers and sometimes, I use other things...I have other things that I hide that I use."

"And what do you think about when you do that? Do you fantasize Liz?"

"Yes...I fantasize...a lot...about a man directing me, helping me...taking me and using me. I like to be used. And I think about..." she trailed off.

She had on a skirt and my hand was on her bare knee so I moved it further up her leg, under the skirt, until it was on her thigh.

"Liz, do you spread your hot, wet vagina and use a vibrator or dildo? Do you take care of yourself with them Liz?"

She looked me in the eye. "Yes, Stu. I do...and when I do, I think about..."

"You think about me don't you Liz? You think about me using you don't you?"

She was almost panting. She looked at me and said almost pleadingly, "Stu...Stu...I...I...yes, I think about you when I do....myself."

"Liz, let me see. You're getting hot and wet right now, aren't you? And by the way, I think about you when I masturbate. Does that surprise you?"

She looked almost pained as she answered, "Yes...yes, it surprises me. Stu, I am so much older than you and there are all...you know, younger women than me that would love for you to...."

"But, Liz, I find you incredibly attractive, and very sexy. So I imagine...lots of times...being...having sex with you.

She seemed to be almost weeping at this point.

I sat on the hassock in front of her chair and pushed my hand further up her leg. I could feel the heat before I even got to her crotch. She moaned a little and her eyes were glued to mine. She slid down in the chair a little and opened her legs slightly to give me better access. I touched her panties between her legs.

"My, Liz, you are needy aren't you? Your panties are soaked! I can feel the heat."

The fabric covering her crotch was damp and clammy. I could feel the wrinkled pussy lips beneath the thin material. I spread her legs.

"Open up Liz. I need to explore how hot you are right now."

"Okay," she responded breathily. "Okay Stu. Please."

Of course at this point my cock was almost bursting out of my pants. I committed to myself to take it slowly, to bring her along step by step but what I really wanted to do was rip off her clothes and slam a hard cock into her. She was panting right now, looking both frightened and determined.

I said quietly, "Liz, I am going to take you deeper into an erotic zone. I'm going to envelop you with lust and love and hot sexual desire. I'm going to do things to you that you never thought possible. I am going to take your body, mind, emotions and use them to drive both of us wild with excitement. Do you trust me to do that, Liz."

She is already in that erotic zone so she could only whimper, "yes, oh God, yes. Please, please."

She was wearing a skirt with a white top that was tight across her bosom. Her nipples were evident so I reached up and cupped a breast. I felt the hardened tips of her breasts in the palm of my hand. I squeezed and she gasped.

"Your breasts feel good, Liz, like for me to squeeze them? I can't wait to suck your big nipples in my mouth. It'll make your pussy even wetter when you feel my lips on your nipples Liz. But now, I am going to take off your panties."

"Okay, please," she mumbles.

I lifted her skirt and pulled down her bikini panties and removed them from her legs. She sat back in the chair and opened them so I could see the glistening lips of her pussy. There was no reluctance at all to opening herself and showing me. Her labia are thick and browner than the rest of her body, but they were already parted and I could see the shiny wetness inside. As I suspected, having seen her in a swimsuit, if she trimmed her pubic hair, it was very lightly because she had a full, dark-brown bush.

"You look so fucking lovely, Liz. I love this look, you sitting there, legs open showing me how much you need what I can give you. Your hot little pussy looks like it is hungry, needy, craving a finger or tongue or cock."

"Yes, it..I do need...oh, God."

I leaned down to kiss the middle of her slit as she stretched her legs more. She then put one foot on the seat of the chair and the other on the hassock. As I kissed her she moaned and put her hands around my head, not pushing it into her but just holding her as I kissed and licked her a bit. Her pussy tasted sweet and smelled of sex with a hint of soap. I loved the feel of her pubic hairs tickling my nose and cheeks as I probed her hot pussy with my tongue.

I stood and leaned over and kissed her, our tongues intertwining, sharing the taste of her juices.

"Taste your wet pussy, Liz. Tastes good, doesn't it. Your hot pussy is so fucking wet, I want to drink your juices."

"Okay," she responds. "But can I see...I want..."

She couldn't finish but I knew what she wanted.

"Take off my clothes and take out my cock, Liz."

Her hands fumbled at my belt and zipper and I quickly stepped out of my pants. I stood, still with my boxer-briefs on and her hands went to my turgid cock and she held my balls with one hand and wrapped around the shaft with the other, feeling from the base of my balls to my cockhead. The feel of a hot woman groping my cock almost drove me over the edge. It has been so long, so fucking long, for both of us. I know this foreplay couldn't last long before we both got to the point where we couldn't wait any longer...but I wanted to savor these sensations as long as I could.

"Take my cock out now Liz. And you can do what you want with it for a minute."

"God, thank you," she replied as she quickly pulled out the waistband of my shorts and pulled them over my cock that sprang out as soon as it was free. She gasped when she saw it. It's not that I have a really long cock but it is very thick, and curved, and the veins are prominent, outlining the dark shaft. She put both hands around me and grasped my hips and pulled my butt cheeks apart as her mouth closed over my cock. I don't know if was the lust or just her technique, but soon my cock was sopping wet with her saliva as she devoured my cock, sliding it in and out of her greedy mouth, almost taking it to the base of my balls. I was not going to last long so I almost had to pry her away from my cock. She looked at me with concern on her face.

As she stood, I kissed her and then pulled her top over her head and unhooked her thin little bra. As I expected, her tits weren't big but nicely shaped and capped by two big, dark brown nipples, and her aureoles seemed to cover half her breasts. For a woman in her 50's, there was no sag at all, just two lovely, perky tits. I leaned down and sucked one of the big nipples inside my lips as I caressed her other breast. I put my teeth over one of her nipples and tugged; it probably hurt a bit and that was the intent. I man-handled her other breast roughly, not necessarily intending to but just from pure lust. But, she seemed to love both. Her head was thrown back and her hands were busy caressing my cock, using her saliva to masturbate me as I made love to her tits.

"Liz, I'm going to fuck you. I need to have your pussy wrapped around my cock."

I turned her so her back was facing me. I had her put her legs on each arm of her chair and her torso over the back. She was perfectly spread for me and just the right height. It took all my willpower to stand back and admire the sight for a moment.

"God, you are so fucking sexy, Liz. What a beautiful sight. I want to burn that image in my mind and savor it when I can't be fucking you. Did you know your pussy juice is dripping on the seat? You need a cock don't you baby? I need to drink you a little first though. I need to swallow your juice."

I leaned down and put the tip of my tongue on her clit and licked back. This may sound hard to believe but I had to swallow at least twice her sex fluids were so copious. As my tongue touched her asshole, she started shivering and jerking. I knew the time was right.

"I gotta fuck you Liz."

"Oh, God, yes sir, please, please fuck me, please fuck my cunt."

I held my cock and rubbed the head up and down her slit before I pushed it into her steamy pussy. She was so well lubricated that even the tightness of her pussy presented no challenge in sinking up to my balls. She was moaning non-stop now, as was I, as I began to slide in and out of her. My cock was shiny and slimy with her cunt-juice.

Afterwards, we both surmised that she started cumming almost immediately after I got inside her and more or less continued throughout the fucking. I held her hips as I kept pushing inside, at first at a moderate pace but then I swatted her ass with my open hand and she jumped and began to push back against me. Her body was in a frenzy and she was moaning and trying to say something but it was garbled. The only word I could make out was Stu. Her pussy was now definitely cumming harder, clutching my cock, tightening her vaginal canal so I started pushing harder and faster. I grunted loudly with each thrust and the sounds seemed to increase Liz's frenzy if that were possible.

"I'm going to fuck you like you want, Liz, like you need."

"Oh..Oh..Oh, okay, Oh, Oh" she yelled with each thrust.

I leaned down and grabbed her shoulder with one hand and caressed a quivering tit with the other. I slammed into her spasming pussy over and over as I started to cum. Our sexual organs seemed to melt into each other, flesh consuming flesh. I don't know how much semen I expelled or how long it lasted but I do know that I felt spurt after spurt, with a couple even after I thought they were over. By the evidence I saw on the cushion of the chair, it was a huge amount of cum.

Our thrusts slowed and I leaned over her back with my cock softening inside her, until it plopped out and I stood and helped Liz off the arm of the chair. I sat down in my chair and she collapsed on my lap with her arms around me.

When she recovered a bit, she giggled a bit, "oh, my God, so THAT's what fucking is. I never knew. Truly amazing."

"God, I needed that, Liz. And you did too didn't you, baby?"

"Oh wow, Sir, you don't know how much. That was exactly what I needed and I am so glad you took the initiative. You don't know how many nights I have fantasized about that, but I never imagined you would take me the way you did. I always wondered if you were dominant at all. I thought you were but I just didn't know."

"And I always suspected you were submissive or maybe just hoped. Pretty convenient huh? You are awesome. I have a feeling we're going to do this often."

"Oh, my God. We better do this often. I'd die if this was a one-time thing. Can I call you sir when we are having sex? I hope so since I have already. But, what I want to say is that I never had the feeling like I had when I first realize you were dominant and that we would have sex...when you demanded that I answer you and tell you about how I...I took care of my sexual needs. And then God, when you put your hand on my leg, I really, really knew then, and the whole time you were talking to me, I felt like another woman in another world somehow. See, I read about dominant men but I never, well...I never had a man treat me like you did. I can get used to this...I hope anyway. Do you hope so, Sir?"

"No, I don't hope so, Liz."

She looked crestfallen so I continued, "I KNOW you're going to get this over and over. I know that I am going to drive you fucking crazy with lust and then I am going to take you and use you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you. There is no doubt in my mind. By the way, your pussy is leaking cum all over my leg."

She looked surprised. "Oh, God, I can't let that go to waste." And with that she raised her legs, put a fingers inside her pussy and scooped out a dollop of cum and sucked it off her fingers.

"I love your cum Sir. I want to drink it every chance I get. Will you sometimes let me have your cum in my mouth Sir? I want to feel it squirting in my throat."

That made my cock twitch. I loved that kind of talk and apparently she did as well; this is going to be a terrific relationship.

She asked if she could go to the bathroom. I approved. She came back and resumed the same position, sitting on my lap with her legs over the side, her arms around my neck and her buttocks on my legs.

"So where were we, Sir? she asked.

Where we were is that your pussy was draining our cum all over my legs. And you may want to get a towel for that other chair; there's a puddle of cum on the seat."

"Can I lick it up Sir?"

I was stunned at her question. I've had submissive women before but the passion for cum that she exhibited was, well amazing.

"Wow, Mrs. Swanson loves cum huh? Who would have thought it. Mrs. Swanson is a little bit of a slut, huh. Of course you can lick it Liz."

She went over to the chair and got on her knees and licked the spots of cum up and savored them. She looked so inviting, with her back to me and her hairy pussy nestled between her legs that I got up and told her to spread her legs. I got on my knees as well and leaned over to kiss her as my hand caressed between her legs."

"Liz, I need to drink some of you again."

I lay on the floor with my head between her legs. I took her hips and pulled them down so her pussy was inches from my face. It was pink and swollen and shiny with cum and moisture that indicated that she was again getting hot and excited.

"Your pussy looks good Liz. Stay that way while I play with you. I think you may need to cum again soon."

It was tempting to lick her but I wanted to tantalize her a little more first. So, with one hand I reached up to play with her tits, pulling her nipples and squeezing them, a couple of times making her squeal a little. With the other hand, I played with her ass, at first just wetting a finger and wetting it and caressing it. She was breathing hard and my cock was getting more erect each moment. I put more saliva on my finger and then slipped the tip inside her tight little asshole, opening it up until it was relaxed enough to slip it further, to the first knuckle. As she squirmed, I saw a little drop of moisture forming in her pussy.

"Liz, I want some cunt-cream. I need to drink you. Soon I'm going to eat your hot cunt but for now, feed me. Feed me Liz. Give me some cum. I want to taste you."

I pressed my finger deeper inside her asshole and also got a little rougher squeezing her nipples and full breasts, pulling on them.

"Look at my cock Liz. See how goddamn hot I am for you. See how you make me, Liz. See how much I need your warm cunt around me. Watch it throb for you."

She turned to look and moaned at the sight. I was fully rock-hard. My words and the sight of how hard I was, along with the ass-fucking and tit-fondling got her more excited so I opened my mouth just as a drop of juice leaked down onto my tongue. I made a smacking, slurping sound, and could wait no longer. I pulled her hips until her opened pussy lips were on my mouth. I licked the length of it, letting the moisture drain over my tongue with each stroke. Her hips were rocking, pushing her hairy crotch against me. My nose was buried in hair as my mouth fucked her pussy. My chin was wet and the moisture was draining down my neck. She started humping quicker and then her legs pressed around my head as I felt the contractions starting.

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming Sir..please sir, can I fuck you?"

"Get on my cock, you hot fucking slut. Fuck my hard dick."

She slid down my body and lifted a leg and positioned my cock to her pussy and lowered herself until my cock was lodged inside. She was still cumming or she started again; either way her pussy was tighter than normal and it took several thrusts to get all the way in. The look on her face was a combination of ecstasy and intensity. Her small, pointed tits were bobbing up and down as she rode me. Even as tight as she was, I could hear the sloshing sounds of my cock entering her extremely wet pussy.

I reached up to grab her tits, rolling the nipples around between my fingers.

"Ah, Liz, you are so fucking hot. Do you realize how good your pussy is? Do you know how much I enjoy fucking you? Fuck me, sweetie, fuck me deep into that good pussy. Did it feel good when I was eating it?"

"God, yes," she responded. "So good. Oh, my God, I'm cumming. Ohhhhh."

She fucked me furiously, asscheeks pounding on my upper thighs. She bent over so I could lean up and pull on her nipples with my teeth. I reached down behind her and grabbed both cheeks of her ass and lifted my hips to meet her thrusts. I fucked her as hard as I could but she was fucking me harder, our thrusts perfectly synchronized. My cock began to unload inside her and I pulled her down to me and kissed her as I unloaded the last vestiges of my cum in her well-fucked pussy. Almost as soon as I finished, she squirmed out of my arms and moved down my both and took my still-hard but rapidly softening cock in her mouth to lick and suck the last bit of cum. When she finished, she came back to lie on my stomach to kiss me.

"I needed to eat some of your cum Sir. Later on, will you give it to me directly in my mouth? I would love that."

"I believe that could be arranged, Liz."

"Sir, I am in heaven. You can fuck me whenever you want, however you want, as often as you want. You know that don't you Sir?"

"Yes, you hot little slut. I know that."

Mrs. Swanson smiled.