Open Mike Night
written by:
Just Plain Bob

I came into the bar and when my eyes adjusted to the light I looked toward the table in the back corner and saw what I expected to see. She was there with seven of her co-workers. Not counting her there were three females and four males. She had always maintained that there was no dating going on in the group and that all they were were co-workers stopping for a few drinks after work, but I knew better. I'd seen too many of them leave in pairs for me to believe that story and after seeing it too many times I wasn't ready to believe that she wasn't doing the same thing.

I headed over and took a seat at the bar with my back to the table, but I was able to see them in the mirror behind the bar. Melody came up and set a Pabst Blue Ribbon down in front of me as she said:

"Back to do it again I see."

"Yep."

"I'll never understand why."

"Of course you do. Joe doesn't make me pay for my drinks and doing it keeps me off the streets and out of trouble."

"You probably already noticed that she's here."

"Yep. I saw here back there with her group."

"Why does she keep coming in?"

"Her sister says that she does it so that when I see her I'll be reminded of what I'm missing by not going back home to her. What she apparently doesn't realize is that every time I see her with that group I'm reminded of why I'm no longer with her."

Just then, Joe Lambert, the owner of the Landing Strip Lounge, stepped up on the platform that the bands used on Fridays and Saturdays and spoke into the microphone.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to open mike night at The Strip. It is good to see such a large turnout for our would be stars so without further ado I'll turn the microphone over to our home grown master of ceremonies Bobby Denton."

I took the stage and Joe handed me the mike. "Good evening and welcome to what I expect to be a good night here at The Strip. We have some pretty good talent here for you tonight and as always anyone who wants to give it a try only needs to walk up and tell me and we will give you your shot.

"For those of you who are new to this the way it works is that Joe picks a topic and our performers take Joe's topic and ad-lib their performances. Tonight's topic is President Obama's health care plan. Our performers are allowed to go off topic, but only if they have a blond joke to tell and tradition has it that I start off the show with a blond joke in honor of my wife who is blond and who detests blond jokes.

"There was this blond who married a Catholic. On their honeymoon the blond bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her he replied:

"It's Lent."

"In tears she sobbed. "Well that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Who did you lend it to and for how long?"

As I finished the joke I looked at the table where Bree was sitting and the look on her face made me smile.

"Having touched on Catholics I'll bring up one Catholic's alternative to Obama's health care plan. A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse on the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of the nuns at the Catholic hospital he had been taken to. A nun was seated at his bedside holding a pen and a clipboard with several forms on it. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have insurance?" she asked.

The man relied in a raspy voice, "Ain't got no health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

The man replied, "Ain't got no money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who can help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

The man said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and loudly announced, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God!"

The man replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother in law."

When the laughter died down I said, "Thank you and now for our first performer of the night. Bud Philbrick is an auto mechanic by day and he spends a lot of his day tuning up cars. Tonight he is going to try to tune you up. Let's give a big welcome to Bud."

I passed the mike to Bud and went back to my seat at the bar. Melody set a fresh PBR in front of me and asked:

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Do the blond joke thing when you know how she feels about it?"

"Maybe I'm hoping that it will make her get up and leave. Get up and go back to the Top Hat. The only reason that she and her group left there to come here is because I'm here."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe she is here because she is hoping that you will talk to her and she can talk you into coming home?"

"I'm sure that is one of the reasons she is here, but it isn't going to happen."

"Why not? Haven't you ever stopped to think that maybe you were wrong?"

"Nope. Not even for a second."

My mind flashed back to the night two months ago when my six year marriage to Breanna came crashing down. I bowled in a men's house league every Thursday night and Bree used that night to stop for drinks with the people she worked with. I usually had a beer or two with the guys when we finished and then I headed for home usually getting there around eleven-thirty. Bree was normally in bed and already sleeping when I got there. That had been the schedule for the past three years with only short breaks between the fall/winter leagues and the summer leagues.

Two months ago when I showed up at the bowling alley the parking lot was filled with fire trucks and other emergency vehicles. There was a major gas leak in the building and there wasn't going to be any bowling that night. I decided to go over o the Top Hat Lounge which is where Breanna and her group stopped after work. The first thing I saw when I walked into the Hat was Breanna on the dance floor. The guy she was dancing with, Frank Miller, had both of his hands on her ass and she had her arms around his neck and her body pressed tightly into him as they swayed to the music.

I was pissed, but I'm the kind of guy who doesn't lose it when upset and I decided that I needed to see what I could find out. Breanna's back was too me and Frank was looking down into her face. A glance over at the table where her friends were sitting showed that no one was looking my way. I took a quick look around and saw that a corner of the bar was in a dark area so I went over and took a seat at the bar. I ordered a Pabst Blue Ribbon and then sat there and watched.

The number ended and Bree and Frank kissed. Not a quick peck, but a hot kiss on the lips and then they walked back to their table hand in hand. They sat down and Frank put his arm around her and she leaned into him. They talked for a bit with the others at the table, kissed a couple of times and then a fast song played and they got up to dance. They did some ‘dirty dancing' and at one point Frank was behind Breanna grinding his body into her and she was laughing and pushing her ass back at him. The tune ended and they went back to the table.

More talk and a couple more kisses and then Marge Holbrook got up to dance with Vern Lacaro. They had been sitting opposite Bree and Frank so when they got up I could see under the table and what I saw was Bree with her legs spread wide and Frank's hand up her skirt. Bree's hand was in Frank's lap and was moving in a manner that suggested she was stroking his cock.

A slow dance started playing and they got up and moved out onto the floor. It was a repeat of what I'd seen when I came in. I took the time to check out the goings on at the table. Marge and Vern were doing the same things that Bree and Frank were doing as were Nancy Neubert and Bill Jason. Sally Meyers might as well have been fucking the guy that she was out on the dance floor with and the thing that got me was that Marge, Nancy and Sally were all married and not to anyone who was there that night.

Around eight I saw Marge and Vern leave hand in hand and ten minutes later Sally and her guy left. If I was right, and I was sure that I was, it was motel or backseat time so they could get it done and still get home to their husbands on time. Next to leave were Nancy and Bill and that told me that Bree and Frank wouldn't be far behind. Bree got up to use the bathroom and Frank was talking to the cocktail waitress so I took the opportunity to get up and leave. I got outside just in time to see Nancy and Bill climb into the back seat of a car.

I got in my car and sat and watched the door. At eight-fifteen Bree and Frank came out, got in a car and drove off the lot. I debated following them, but decided not to. I'd already seen enough. I drove over to the Strip and had a couple of brews while I thought about how I wanted to handle things. After kicking half a dozen ideas around, including a couple that could see me jailed; I decided that the simplest thing to do was to just walk away. To hell with a divorce. I wasn't going to waste good money on a lawyer. If Bree wanted a divorce she could be the one to bring it and pay for it.

I left the strip and drove home and parked at the end of the street and waited. At ten-thirty, two full hours after she had driven away from the Hat with Frank, Bree pulled into the drive and then into the garage. I wasn't a rocket scientist, but I'm pretty sure that I knew what took place during those two hours. I waited until the garage door closed and then I went back to the Strip to kill time until my normal coming home time.

Bree was asleep or pretending to be when I slipped into the bed. Not that it mattered because if she was awake I wouldn't have touched her anyway. Sloppy seconds wasn't one of my things. Even if she had stopped somewhere and cleaned herself it still would have been seconds. Maybe not sloppy, but seconds just the same.

My thoughts were interrupted by applause and I saw that Bud had finished. I got up and went to the stage and got the microphone back.

"Thanks Bud. If these great folks are any judge you have a future as a stand-up comic. And now, direct from daily appearances at the King Soopers on Clairmont we have Eddie Foxton. Put your hands together a give a big Landing Strip welcome to Eddie."

I passed Eddie the mike and went back to my seat at the bar. In the mirror I saw Bree start to stand up, but Sally pulled her back down. I'm not the world's best lip reader, but it looked like Sally said:

"Now isn't the time. Wait until later."

My mind went back to ‘the night.' I slipped into bed next to Bree, but made no attempt to snuggle up like I normally did. Surprisingly enough I had no trouble falling asleep.

Bree didn't need to be to work until nine, but I needed to be to work by seven so I was up and gone before Bree woke up. When I got to work I told my boss that I'd caught my wife slipping around on me and that I was going to have to take part of the day off to handle some things. He told me to take as much time as I needed and I left work and headed for home. I stopped at a U-Haul place and rented a trailer and in three hours I had everything that I wanted out of the house. I found a storage unit that was reasonably priced and unloaded the car and trailer into it and then returned the trailer.

I found a motel that was close to work and checked in. I figured I could find an apartment during the week. I hit the bank and took all the money out of savings and half of the money in checking and then, paying the penalty, I cashed in the five certificates of deposit. I took the money and drove over to a bank close to work and opened a new checking account and put all the money in it.

I went home and sitting at the kitchen table I called and cancelled all of our joint credit cards and got the payoff numbers and using the money in my new checking account I paid them all off. I ended up with more - much more - in my new checking account than I left her in our old joint one, but I figured that since she was responsible for my leaving she could help pay for my moving into an apartment. I called the phone and utility companies and had my name removed from the accounts and then I opened a beer and waited for Bree to get home.

While waiting I opened the daily paper and started looking for an apartment. I circled several likely ones and by then Bree was home. She came over to kiss me and I turned my face away from her. She gave me a funny look, but before she could say anything I said:

"I don't need you kissing me with a mouth that has probably just sucked some other guy's dick."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I received an interesting phone call at work this morning. I was brought up to date on what you and Frank Miller have been doing on your Thursday nights. I didn't like what I heard so I'm out of here. You wanted this house so you can be the one to pay for it. I'm not paying for a divorce so if you want one so you can be with Frank or whomever you can be the one to pay for it. The lights, phone and gas are in your name now so if you want them to stay on you had better make sure that you pay the bills."

I stood up, said, "It's been nice; most of it anyway, but I hope I don't see you around" and as I headed for the door Bree was crying:

"We have to talk Bobby; you can't just walk out."

"Oh yes I can Bree" I said as I closed the front door behind me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a chorus of boos and catcalls and I hurried to the stage and took the microphone as Eddie fled.

"Come on folks; you have more class than that. If you don't care for the performer don't laugh or applaud, but it takes guts to get up here and let it all hang out so let's not be too hard. Got to give them something for effort. To warm you up for our next performer I want to share this with you. It isn't on topic, but I'm the master of ceremonies so I get to have some license. A young engineer was leaving the office at five forty-five when he found the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen" said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary isn't here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly" said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper and pushed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as the paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson: Never, never ever assume that your boss knows what he is doing."

I got a big laugh out of that and then said, "The next man to climb into the meat grinder is no man at all. Put your hands together for Joyce Campbell who comes to us after a hard day of chasing four little ones around the house. Take it away Joyce" and I handed her the mike and left the stage.

I saw Bree start to get up and head me off on my way to my seat at the bar, but Marge grabbed her arm and pulled her back into her seat. I wondered why a couple of unfaithful sluts like Marge and Sally were trying to stop Bree from talking to me. Not that I wasn't thankful since I didn't want to talk to Bree anyway.

I remembered the last time we talked. It was just a little over two weeks ago. She had called me a dozen times a day during the first three weeks after I walked out, but I didn't take any of her calls. She decided to try a more direct approach. I got off work one night and found her sitting on the hood of my car. I walked up to her and said:

"What the fuck are you doing here Breanna?"

"We need to talk Bobby. I need to know why you left me."

"I told you why Bree. It was because of you and your lover."

"What the hell are you talking about Bobby? I don't have a lover."

"Lover, fuck buddy, friend with benefits, I don't care what you want to call Frank Miller, but your fucking him is what sent me out the door."

"I am not having sex with Frank. I have never had sex with anyone but you. Where in the hell did you get that idea?"

"Someone I trust with my life gave me a call and filled me in."

I told her everything I'd seen, but attributed it to my anonymous friend. "He didn't follow you when you left in Frank's car, but given what he had just seen there was no doubt that you were going to a motel or to find a more private place to park. I don't even care about where you fucked him. Just what you did with him in the bar was more than enough for me."

"Damn it Bobby; I didn't do any of those things. I can't believe you would take the word of some asshole over mine. I love you Bobby and I have since the day we met. You have to know me better. You have to know that I wouldn't do anything that would cost me you."

"You didn't think that what you were doing would cost you me because you never figured on getting caught. But you did get caught. If my information had come from anyone else I might have taken it with a grain of salt although I probably would have put a private detective on you to check you out. But like I said earlier; I'd trust the person I got the information from with my life. If he tells me something I can take it to the bank.

"He also told me about Marge and Vern. Does Marge's husband know she is fucking Vern? Like do they have one of those open marriages? How about Sally's hubby? Does he know she leaves the bar with guys? Does Nancy's husband know about Bill? My friend saw Nancy and Bill on the back seat of Bill's car. Fine group of people you hang with Bree. My friend was only in the Top Hat one night so he couldn't tell me about other nights. Like maybe Frank was just your guy for that night. Maybe on other nights your guy was Vern or Bill or some random pick up. Doesn't matter Breanna. We are done. Now get off the hood of the car or I'm going to drive off with you as a hood ornament."

I unlocked the car, got in and started it as Breanna cried, "He lied to you Bobby. I don't know who he is but he lied to you. I never did any of those things. I love you Bobby; I swear to God I love you. Come home to me Bobby; please come home to me. I need you Bobby; I need you."

I put the car in gear and started to move and Bree slid off the hood and then stood there crying as I drove away.

Up on the stage Joyce was rocking. She had the audience roaring with laughter and every time she tried to finish they called for more, but I had two more hopefuls to give a shot to. I walked up on the stage and took the mike from Joyce and said:

"I know you want more of the marvelous Joyce, but she has a babysitter who has school tomorrow so she needs to hurry home. If you give her a big enough hand maybe she will come back next week."

That got Joyce a standing ovation and I looked at her and she nodded a yes. "You did it people. She says she will be back next week. While our next performer is getting his thoughts in order I'll share this one with you.

"This blond was cleaning out the trunk of her car preparing for a trip and her new boyfriend was helping her. Inside her trunk he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit" and looking at it closer he noticed that it contained a stick of dynamite. Thinking that was a bit strange he asked her what the dynamite was for. She looked at him like he was crazy and said;

"It is part of my emergency repair kit."

The boyfriend said, "I can see that, but why?"

"In case I have a flat and need to blow up the tire."

I glanced over and saw the look on Bree's face as the laughter rang out. Kind of made the night worthwhile.

"Next up for your entertainment we have Jerry Oskham. Tonight's topic is a fitting one for Jerry as he is a pre-med student at Hoskins. Let's have a big welcome for Jerry."

I handed the mike off to Jerry and walked over and took my seat at the bar. Instead of looking in the mirror I swiveled around on my stool so I could check out the crowd. As I looked out over the patrons Melody came up behind me.

"You know she hasn't taken her eyes off of you since you got here. I think there is something there Bobby. It might be to your benefit to give her a chance. After all, you really don't know for sure that she did anything. Hit her with all of it and see where it goes. You don't have anything to lose."

"After what I saw? I don't think so."

"What you saw could have been no more than drunken flirting that got a little out of hand. Maybe it was the first time. Maybe it had never happened before. Maybe she has a legitimate excuse for what happened after she left the Top Hat. You need to put an end to it Bobby. Get the confrontation out of the way and get it settled one way or the other."

I turned and looked at Melody. Breanna and Melody had gone to school together, but even though they hadn't run with the same crowd they still talked from time to time. Melody knew my story. After I walked out on Bree I spent a lot of my evenings at the Strip and one night after a few too many beers Melody had asked me why I was so down and I was just wasted enough to tell her the whole story.

"She got to you?"

"She has talked to me a time or two. Enough to convince me that she does love you. I haven't told her what you told me, but I think it would do the both of you a world of good to sit down and have it out."

I shrugged and turned back to survey the crowd. It was Breanna who was responsible for my being at the bar doing what I was doing. I'd known Joe for over twenty years and one day I was sitting at the bar trying to bury my sorrows with alcohol Joe sat down next to me. He had already heard my sad story so he occasionally sat down with me and tried to pull me out of my funk by getting me to talk about other subjects. After some general talk about my parents who had introduced me to Joe he started talking about finding ways to build up business during the week.

"I do great on Friday and Saturday when the band is here, but things are slower than I like during the week."

The previous weekend I had gone to the Comedy Works to see one of my favorite comics perform and I'd had a good time so I said:

"Why not have an open mike night during the week. Say maybe midweek on a Wednesday. A local talent show. Any one who wants to give it a try can get up and do it. It won't cost you anything since they will be doing it for free. Plus they will tell all their friends and relatives they are going to do it and some of those friends and relatives will come to see and they will buy drinks while they are here. If the idea catches on the word will go out and other drinkers will come in to get the free entertainment with their booze."

And so open mike night at the Landing Strip was born. Joe asked me to run it and I told him that I would, but that my price was going to be high. He asked what it was and I said:

"I drink for free from now on."

He smiled, said "Done!" We shook hands on it and there I was.

Joyce had wound the crowd up and it carried over to Jerry. He didn't have that edge that Joyce had, but he was pretty good. He reached the end of his monolog, thanked the crowd and handed me the mike when I got up on the stage.

"Thanks Jerry. I'm sure that when you complete your education and start taking care of patients that you will keep them in stitches."

I got a loud groan from the crowd at the pun. Last on the schedule is Gene Ellsworth. Gene is a landscaper by day and he hopes to be able to dig up a few laughs here tonight."

That got me another bad pun groan from the crowd and I said, "Cut me a break people. I'm up here doing this for free."

"And we are getting our money's worth" a voice cried out from the back and he got a laugh from the crowd.

"Okay, okay. You get the mike after Gene" and that got me a laugh as I handed off the microphone.

I saw Breanna watch me walk all the way back to my barstool and I gave some thought to what Melody had said. We did need to put an end to it. Maybe if we talked Bree would finally understand that it was over between us. That would put a stop to the "I love you" notes under my windshield wipers every morning and the mushy "I love you" cards that were in my mail box when I got home every night. Maybe I could even start getting a decent nights sleep. I was still deep in thought when melody nudged me and I saw that Gene was done.

I took the stage, thanked Gene for his efforts and then said, "Okay people. Now is the time. Anyone want to step up here and give it a shot?"

No one took me up on the offer so I said, "Next weeks topic is the possible government shut down because of the budget crisis. Good or bad? For my part the good would be if they shut down. The bad would be if they started back up." That got me a good laugh and I said, "And while on the subject of the economy I want to tell you about my twelve year old niece's solution. She has written a letter to the president that she is going to send him sometime this week. It says:

"Dear Mr. President, Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to big companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan. There are about 40 million people over fifty in the work force. Pay them one million apiece severance if they will retire with the following stipulations:

1. They must retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2. They must buy a new American made car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto industry fixed. 3. They must either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that. Forty million - not billion - and things are fixed.

P.S. If more money is needed have all members of congress pay their taxes. While you are at it make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare and see how fast those programs get fixed.

"Now I ask you. If a twelve year old can come up with an idea to fix things in Washington, why can't a bunch of adults do it?"

Someone started chanting, "A twelve year old for president" and the crowd took it up and after a minute I waved them silent.

"Now for my trade mark finish. A blond teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs she could do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch" he said. "How much would you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded. "How about fifty dollars?"

The man agreed and told her the paint, brushes and anything else she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband:

"Does she realize that the porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes you have been getting in your e-mail lately."

Later that day the blond came to the door to collect her money.

"Done already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes" the blond replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it a second coat."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the fifty dollars and added a ten dollar tip.

"Thanks" the blond said and then added, "By the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

When the laughter died down the place started clearing out until there were only about twenty customers. Eight of them were sitting at Breanna's table. They were talking and a couple of them kept glancing over at me. Finally the group started breaking up and I noticed that they all left separately. Bree must have told them about my knowing that they left the Hat as couples.

Soon the only one left at the table was Breanna. I took my seat at the bar to finish the beer I had sitting there after which I would head home to my apartment. In the mirror I saw Bree get up and hesitatingly move toward me. As I watched her come I debated getting up and leaving before she got to me and then I thought about what Melody had said and I decided that she had a point. I should lay it all out on the table and get it over with. I didn't turn toward her when she took the stool next to me. When she said:

"Hi Bobby."

I turned to face her and acknowledged her presence with a simple "Breanna."

"Are you ever going to talk to me Bobby?"

"I honestly don't know what we have to talk about Breanna. I can not accept what you were doing."

"I keep telling you Bobby; I didn't do any of that. I don't know why your friend lied to you, but I have never cheated on you. I couldn't Bobby; I love you too much."

"It is no good lying to me Breanna. I didn't get the information from a friend. I was there that night. I didn't go bowling. I went to the Top Hat to join you and your friends. What I told you that a friend told me was what I saw myself. Me Bree. My own two eyes. I didn't follow you when you left the bar at eight-fifteen because, quite frankly, by then I was disgusted with you, but I was parked at the end of the block watching when you drove into the garage at ten-thirty. Where did you and Miller spend those two hours between when I saw you drive away from the Top Hat and when you got home? You wanted to talk Breanna, so go ahead. Explain it all to me."

Her face lost all of it's color as she said, "You saw it? Oh my God. I'm so sorry Bobby, but it wasn't what it looked like."

"What was it then Bree?"

"It was flirting Bobby. Just some flirting. A little strong maybe, but only flirting. I was trying to get on the good side of Frank and I went a little overboard."

"Why were you trying to get on Frank's good side?"

"Angela Coombs quit and I wanted her job. Frank has the final say on who gets it. If I could have gotten the position it would have meant a five thousand dollar a year raise and a company car. Frank intimated that the job could be mine if I was a little nicer to him. I knew what he meant by "being a little nicer" but I swear I never would have done it Bobby. I thought I could lead him on until I got the job and then once I had it there wasn't anything he could have done about it."

"I saw his hand up under your skirt Breanna. I saw you had your legs spread wide to let him get his hand up to your cunt."

"But he didn't get there Bobby. Something must have blocked your view when it happened, but when he was only a couple of inches away I clamped my legs together to keep him away."

"What about your hand in his lap? It sure looked like you were jacking him off to me."

She looked away and then back at me. "I didn't jack him off, but I did rub it through his pants."

"Even if I buy that Breanna how do you explain the two hours you spent with him after you drove out of the Top Hat parking lot?"

"We drove over to the Denny's on Fourth and Terry to talk because we didn't want any more alcohol since the next day was a work day."

"That took two hours?"

She looked down and was silent for a bit and then she said, "When we drove back to get my car we sat in his car and made out for a while. But I didn't let him have me Bobby; I swear to God I didn't let him have me."

"I'm having a hard time believing it Bree. You hang out with a bunch of cheating sluts and I'm supposed to believe that you aren't doing what they do, especially after seeing what I saw?"

"Marge doesn't cheat. She and Ralph have what they call an ‘open marriage' and Sally doesn't consider what she is doing as cheating. She caught Tom with his secretary and she says all she is doing is getting even."

"What's Nancy's excuse?"

Breanna shrugged and said, "She saw the others doing it so she wanted to try it. She said that she found it exciting to cheat. She says her husband gets the benefit because her cheating fires her up and she goes home and takes it out on him."

"And I suppose that when she tells you that it makes you wonder if maybe you should try it."

She couldn't meet my eyes as she said, "I did think on it. I thought maybe I should try it once just to see what it would be like, but I just couldn't ever bring myself to do it. Nancy said it wouldn't hurt me to do it once and that you would never know, but I just couldn't. I have danced with some guys when we stopped and I have been felt up and propositioned, but I never did anything except what I did with Frank and I only did that so I could get Angela's job. I swear to God Bobby I have never cheated on you. I need you Bobby. Please come home Bobby, please."

"I don't know that I can Bree. I don't know if I can believe you or not. After what I saw I have way too many doubts. Even after I confronted you and let you see how I felt about the adulterous group you work with you still hang with them. Knowing what they are doing and seeing what you did I have serious doubts."

"I'll quit stopping with them Bobby. I'll quit my job altogether if it will get you back to me."

"You would quit a job that you wanted so badly that you did what you did with Frank?"

"I didn't get the job. I wouldn't do what Frank wanted. I guess Becky Adams did though because she got the job."

"But you still go out drinking with him?"

"I'm with the group from work and he stops with the rest of us."

"I'm sorry Bree, but it just doesn't ring right with me. The guy who said cheat on your husband with me and I'll give you a promotion and the woman who keeps telling you that cheating is sexually exciting - enough that she has you thinking about it - and you still hang with them? You still hang with them even though I made my opinion of them clear as day when I walked out on you?"

"They are my friends Bobby. They are all I had when you walked out on me and they aren't all bad. Marge told me to do whatever I had to do to get you back even if it meant not stopping with them anymore. I mean it Bobby. I'll quit the job tomorrow if you will just come home."

I was silent for a bit and then said, "I'll think some on it Breanna. Maybe give you a call Friday after I get off work."

I saw tears forming in her eyes as I got off my stool and headed for my apartment.

++++++++++++++++++++

I thought a lot about what Breanna told me and even though I had doubts I wanted to believe her. I'd dated a lot of girls and had been involved in several intense relationships before meeting Bree and I never felt with any of them the way I felt with Bree. I did love her and I did miss being with her, but I had a thing where infidelity was concerned. I despised anyone who did it. I had lived though it with my mom and dad and I knew first hand the hurt it brings to the injured party and the others in the family. I thought that I had made my feelings on the subject perfectly clear to Bree before we got married, but by her own admission she had considered it after hearing Nancy talk about how exciting it was.

Even if she hadn't been truly unfaithful - though some might think what she had admitted to was being unfaithful enough - the thought was still in her mind. But would it always stay there or would what she had been going through since I walked have driven it away? There was no way of really knowing.

By the time I got off work Friday I had an idea of what I was going to do. I called Bree at work and told her to meet me at the Strip when she got off work.

I was sitting in a booth when she got there. I'd already stopped at the bar and given Melody our drink order and as soon as Bree sat down Melody brought our drinks over to us. Bree looked at me hopefully when she slid onto the seat across from me. I looked at her for a few seconds and then I said:

"I'm not happy with what you have been doing Breanna. I'm not happy at all, but I'm willing to overlook it for now."

"Oh thank you Bobby, thank you."

"I'm not done yet Breanna. I have my doubts, but I'm going to give you a chance to lay some of them to rest."

"I'll do anything Bobby; anything at all."

"There are three things you have to do. First is that you will file a sexual harassment complaint against Miller and when you file it you will spell out in detail what Miller said and did. You will also say that the reason Becky got the job was because she apparently did what you refused to do."

"But it will just be a ‘he said, she said' thing as far as the company is concerned."

"So what? It will go in his file and you never know what might happen. They may talk to Becky and scare her into ratting Miller out and he might even have done it before and already have something in his file."

"But companies don't like whistle blowers. They may let me go for some reason or other."

"What does it matter? You said you were willing to quit if I would come back to you. Quit or being let go, what's the difference? The second thing you have to do is call Marge's husband and tell him that Marge told you all about the open marriage thing and you think you want to try it. Ask him if he has any hints on how best to approach me on it. If they do have an open marriage he will be cool with it. If Marge is lying he will know that she is cheating on him.

"The third thing you will do is call Sally's husband and Nancy's husband and tell them what their wives are doing on your nights after work. You know my feelings on infidelity Breanna. You do those three things and I'll come home."

"Why don't you call Sally's and Nancy's husbands? That way if I do hang onto my job I can still work with them and they won't hate me."

"The reason you have to do those three things is because it is your punishment for what you did with Miller behind my back. There is no give here as far as I'm concerned. You do it and I come back home. You don't do it and I don't come back home."

+++++++++++++++++

"Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to open mike night at the Landing Strip. We have five hopefuls for you entertainment tonight and one back due to popular demand and yes, for those of you who were here last week and remember, Joyce will wow you again.

"Tonight's topic is the possible government shut down due to the budget battle going on in Washington. Those of you who were here last week know my position on it. There is both good and bad. The good would be if the government shut down and the bad would be if they started it back up.

"While on the subject of government I got this story from Ben Rogers who owns the Rocking Horse ranch east of here. A DEA officer stopped by and talked with him. He told Ben that he needed to inspect the ranch for illegally grown drugs and Ben said:

"Okay, but don't go in that field over there..." as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me!" Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to Ben. "See this badge? This badge means that I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked and no answers given. Have I made myself clear?"

Ben just nodded and then went about his chores. A short time later Ben heard loud screams coming from the field he had told the DEA agent not to go into. He looked over that way and saw the agent running for his life as he was being chased by Ben's big Santa Gertrudis bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground and it seemed likely enough that the agent was going to be gored before he could reach safety. The agent was clearly terrified. Ben threw down his tools and ran over to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs:

"Your badge, show him your badge!"

I got a good laugh out of it and when it died down I said, "Tonight will see a change in the festivities. It has been tradition for me to start the show by hitting the crowd with a blond joke before turning the mike over to the first performer, but my wife, who is blond by the way, has finally managed to get me to give that part of the night up."

I looked to the back of the room where Bree sat with Marge, Sally, Nancy and the rest of her usual group minus Frank Miller and saw Bree giving me a big smile.

So since blond jokes are out any redheads here tonight? No? Okay then:

"There was this redhead who called her neighbor and asked him to please come over.

"I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asked, "What's it supposed to be when it is finished?"

"According to the picture on the box it is a rooster."

The neighbor decides to go help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread out on the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says: "First of all, no matter what we do, were not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything even remotely resembling a rooster. Why don't we go out on the porch, sit in the swing and enjoy the sunset. Then we can come back in here and put the corn flakes back in the box."

When the laughter died down I said, "And now to start us off I'm handing the mike to Josh Barnum who comes to us directly from Andy's Automotive where he appears from eight to five every Monday through Friday."

I passed the mike to Josh and instead of taking my usual seat at the bar I joined Bree and her group. I saw smiles and not hostility when I sat down which I thought was a bit strange since Bree had done what I'd told her she had to do. She did go into work and file sexual harassment charges against Miller and it turned out that he did indeed have things in his file from other female employees. He had gotten away with it before because the Human Resources manager had been his cousin and his cousin had managed to bury it. But Cousin Ralph wasn't there any more and his replacement was a ‘brook no nonsense' woman who immediately called Becky into the office. Becky tearfully confessed and two hours later Frank was looking for a new job.

Becky was allowed to keep the job, but was informed that she was on sixty days probation and was going to be closely watched to make sure she could really do the job. Bree was transferred to a different department and was assured that coming forward wouldn't affect her job or chances for promotion.

Then Bree made a pretty gutsy move or at least I thought it was. She had a sit down with Marge, Sally and Nancy and spelled out what I had demanded of her and then she told them she had to do it in order to save her marriage. The three said they understood and only Nancy was upset over it.

A call to Marge's husband found that he and Marge did indeed have an open marriage and he did give Bree some pointers to use to try and convince me to give open marriage a try. When Bree asked me if I wanted to hear them I laughed at her.

A call to Sally's husband was a waste of time as Sally had gone home after her talk with Bree and had told hubby dear that she knew he was cheating and that she had gotten even with him a couple of times over. Then she asked him where they were going from there and I guess they are trying to work things out.

The call to Nancy's husband got an unexpected response.

"She what? I'll be damned! Thanks for the heads up. I've been wanting to tap my secretary for a year and now I can do it without feeling like a guilty asshole."

I guess that Nancy accepted that as her due and the two of them are still together. Where their marriage is going is anybody's guess, but Nancy does spend a lot of time talking with Marge about the open marriage thing.

The cheers and applause signaled the end of Josh's routine and I leaned over and kissed Bree before getting up and going back to the stage.