Cold, Cold, Heart
written by:
DG Hear

Cold, Cold Heart By DG Hear

This story is based on the song ‘Cold, Cold, Heart'. It was hard picking a category. I hope you enjoy it.

A big ‘Thank You' to PennLady for taking the time to edit my story. She makes it a much better read.

****

My name is Ray Harman and I'm an over the road truck driver; I have been for twenty-five years. I'm often gone for days at a time, sometimes even a week or more. I try to stop home as often as I can and spend a couple of days at home before heading out again.

I was in Indiana heading for West Virginia when I got the brilliant idea to stop at my home in Ohio and spend the night there. It wasn't very often that I would be passing within forty miles of home. I called dispatch and let them know my plans. They didn't mind as long as I was on-time for my delivery the next morning.

I decided to surprise my girlfriend, Sarah. We had been living together for a couple of years. I'll tell you more about how we met and the rest of my story later. Right now I need to tell you what happened when I got home.

I live near a small city but on a rural road. I own a double-wide mobile home that sits on three acres of land. It gives me plenty of room to park my semi without bothering the neighbors.

I pulled up and parked my truck by the garage, which was a fair distance from the house. I was surprised to see another car at the house. It belonged to my friends, Joe and Trina, and all I could think of was that Trina and Sarah didn't get along all that well. They didn't hate each other but that's something else I'll explain later.

I walked in the door and didn't see anyone. Then I heard the noise coming from the bedroom. I knew what it was, but couldn't believe it. I walked in and there on the bed was Sarah, fucking my so-called best friend, Joe. He was just coming and Sarah was screaming out how good it felt.

It took them a few seconds before they saw me. Joe looked shocked and pulled his cum-covered dick out of my woman, and I hit him hard in the kidney area. He fell off of her and onto the floor. I hit him a few more times, scraping my knuckles when I bloodied his nose. After kicking him a few more times he just laid there.

All this time Sarah just screamed and cried, yanking at the sheet to cover her naked body. I had gotten Joe's blood on my shirt and a few drops on my jeans, so I reached into the closet to get a clean shirt.

I jumped when Sarah screamed out, "Ray! Please, don't kill us! Please! I'll do anything!"

I kept my shotgun and rifle in the closet, so I guess she thought that was what I was going after. Hell, it had its appeal but they weren't worth going to jail over. I grabbed a clean shirt and put it on.

I looked down at Joe and told him if he ever came to my house again, I'd kill him. I had to wonder how he could ever do this to his wife Trina. Hell, she meant the world to me, and Joe was her husband. Thank God she wasn't at the house and to see the two of them fucking.

I looked at Sarah and said, "You fucking whore! You fucking slut! I bring you into my house and even thought about marrying you and you turn around and fuck my best friend. Well, you can go to Hell! I'll be back in two days and your sorry fucking ass and all your belongings better be out of here. I never want to see you again."

I turned away from the two of them and left the house. I got back into my truck, called dispatch and told them I had a change of plans. I'd be driving to West Virginia after all.

I had a few-hour drive ahead of me and as the miles rolled away, I thought about my life and where I was now.

****

I thought back to grade school when Joe, Trina and I were the best of friends. If you ever saw one of us, it was a sure bet the other two weren't far away. Trina was somewhat of a tomboy so we all got along great. It wasn't until high school that I began to have more than friendly feelings for Trina.

One time during high school, Joe and I made a pact. If either of us found a girlfriend that the other would keep his hands off of her. We did one of those blood-brother things and cut our thumbs and pressed them together to seal the pact.

Joe dated a lot and I went out a few times. I was the quiet one, rather introverted and keeping things to myself. Joe on the other hand was the fun outgoing guy.

Trina never dated much. She spent her time studying when she wasn't with Joe and me. It was then that I knew I had feelings for her, I just didn't know how to express it. Joe had no problems with the dating scene and knowing what to say; at the time, I wished I was a little more like him.

One day I got up the courage to tell Trina how I felt and headed over to her house. I found her and Joe in the backyard kissing. Joe looked at me with a big grin on his face. Trina could hardly look at me.

"Trina agreed to go steady with me," said Joe. "We can all still hang out together but you have to find your own girl."

I can't tell you how hurt I was. I loved her but because I hadn't known what to say, I'd lost her, maybe forever. We spent a lot less time together after that. Trina went to college to become a nurse and Joe became a lawyer. I didn't have those kind of smarts and went to truck driving school and became an over-the-road truck driver. I only did the state-to-state, long hauls.

Joe and Trina were still in college when they got married. I was the best man, even though it killed me. I knew in my heart that I had to let her go, although I'd never forget her.

They both got their degrees and stayed in our area, inviting me over for dinner whenever I was in town. Trina had a habit of trying to fix me up with her girlfriends. One day I asked her why, and she said she hated seeing me alone.

She introduced me to her friend Diane who was a teacher. We started dating and eventually we got married. It's hard to say, but I did love Diane, although not in the same way as I loved Trina.

After we got married the four of us spent time together, and it was easier since I had Diane. Whenever I was home we made plans to go somewhere. The four of us were the best of friends but deep down in my heart, I had never lost my love for Trina.

Diane and I had two wonderful kids, a daughter and a son. She did eighty percent of the raising of the kids, maybe more, since my job kept me away for days at time. When our oldest was about seven, Diane wanted me to find another job. She told me she loved me but couldn't take it anymore. She wanted a husband that was at home and there for her and the kids.

I know she tried hard but driving was all I knew. We started arguing time and time again about me changing jobs and we ended up getting divorced.

One day as I rode though Pennsylvania, a Hank Williams song came on the radio, and it cut through all of my thoughts.

"I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my every dream. Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?"

It was like Diane was talking to me. I believe she really did love me and gave all she could. I knew that she wanted a normal home and loving husband who was there for her. She always told me that I was great when I was there. The problem was, I wasn't there enough.

I often wondered if she knew that the memory from my lonesome past was Trina. I rarely talked about Joe and Trina, but again I was the quiet one and didn't often talk about anyone. Diane was a good wife and a great mother. The divorce was amiable; neither of us wanted to fight, we just wanted to do right by the kids and each other.

To this day we're friends and I have nothing but praise for her. She met one of Joe's lawyer friends a few years after the divorce, and after dating for a year they are happily married. I saw my kids every chance I got when I was home. It's hard to believe they're both adults now. My son's still in college and my daughter recently married.

****

I stayed single after divorcing Diane. I dated a few women and Trina tried to set me up until I told her that I wasn't the marrying type. I liked my job and most women wouldn't put up with a part-time husband. I told her besides, no woman could every measure up to my dream girl.

She often asked what my dream girl was like but I would make up some lame fantasy about a woman that would meet my every need—a combination of Wonder Woman and June Cleaver. I could never tell her she was my dream girl.

When I had the kids when I was home, we often went out with Trina, Joe and their kids. All the kids were friends and close in age. At least I didn't feel like a third wheel when I had the kids with me.

As I have mentioned, Joe and Trina were my best friends but Joe was an asshole. I know that he cheated on Trina. He considered himself a ladies' man. He would flirt with women in front of Trina but she always said he was harmless; I knew better. I can't tell you the number of times I wanted to kick his ass for cheating on Trina. I often wondered why I stayed friends with him. It probably had something to do with Trina.

Life went on for me. We were all in our forties now and I still drove my truck.

I inherited the doublewide trailer and the land it sat on from my parents when they passed away. I was grateful to have this in their memory, but their deaths hit me hard. It seemed like everyone I loved left; my wife divorced me, and although I'd never had Trina, I'd lost her, too. With my kids grown and on their own, I'd never felt so alone.

When I was in North Carolina I met a young woman. Sarah was a waitress at a restaurant I liked. She was young, cute and quite the flirt. She often asked me to take her with me on my trips. I figured she was joking around but one day she sat down and told me she was serious; she wanted to move far away and start over.

She told me things about her past how she was on her own at sixteen. Her parents had kicked her out when she got pregnant; she ended up losing the baby. She had told me it was for the best because the father of the child was a drug addict and was now serving time in prison.

Sarah said that she thought that I was a nice and caring man and seemed lonely. When I told her about our age difference, she said it didn't make any difference. She just wanted to be with someone who cared for her.

On one of my days off I stayed in North Carolina and asked Sarah if she would like to go out. I knew she was half my age but I was lonely and she was sexy.

We went dancing and even took in a movie. It was the most fun I had had in a long time. We went to my motel and I asked her if she wanted to spend the night. She said yes and it was a night of some of the best sex that I can remember.

The sex was amazing; there was nothing my little nymph wouldn't do for me. The next morning she asked me to take her home with me. In the many times I had been in her restaurant we had talked a lot and she knew most everything about me. I almost couldn't believe she wanted to go home with me.

Maybe it was the loneliness, having sex like I did when I was younger or maybe I cared for her. I don't know the reason why, but I told her yes, that she could come with me.

She lived in a small apartment that she shared with a girlfriend. They had a short but tearful good bye, then we rented a u-Haul and loaded up her few belongings and headed back to Ohio.

I explained to Sarah that I had some rules that she would have to follow. We wouldn't be getting married, at least not until we had been together for awhile to see how well we got along. She was my girl, and only my girl. I didn't believe in cheating and I would consider it cheating if she dated other men. Also I wouldn't be with other women.

I explained to her that if she wanted to be with another man that all she had to do is tell me and she could move out at anytime. I just wouldn't be taking her back.

She cried and said she only wanted to be with me. I seemed so kind and she believed she was falling in love with me. As far as I knew she had no one and we decided to try and make the best of it.

After we got home I introduced Sarah to my friends and family. When I first mentioned to Joe and Trina that I had found a girlfriend and she was moving in with me they were very happy about it. They invited us over for dinner and to say they were shocked when they meet Sarah would be an understatement.

They asked her a thousand question but most of her answers were vague. Joe couldn't keep his eyes off of her, which I didn't care for. He was being too nice to her, which I knew was aggravating Trina. If looks could kill the ones Trina was giving me would have surely ended my life. It's like she was blaming me for Joes looking at Sarah.

Trina was nice to Sarah but deep down I knew she was really pissed at me; she didn't have to say anything. Having known her all these years, I could tell. I knew Sarah loved the complements she was getting from Joe. I could see a little of her flirtiness, but I figured it was just the way she was.

That night Sarah and I had some great sex. She told me how much she loved it here and found it so safe and free. At the time I didn't know what she meant by it.

I called my son and daughter and told them about my new live-in. I told them right off that she was closer to their age than mine. They liked Sarah but admitted they wouldn't see her as a mother figure, which I'd expected. They knew I had been single for a good twelve years and were at least glad that I was happy. I knew Sarah and the kids would never be close but at least they were nice to each other.

I got a call from Diane, my ex, after the kids and Trina had talked to her. She didn't seem like the happiest person on the Planet.

"Ray, What are you doing. Everyone says your girlfriend is young enough to be your daughter. Did you really think this through?" asked Diane.

"Look, you left me. I loved you but that wasn't enough." She started to interrupt me, but I kept going. "Diane, listen, I don't blame you for leaving me. You wanted a husband who was there for you and I wasn't. I've been alone for years and yes, Sarah is much younger but I care for her very much.

"So she's younger, big deal. We aren't married and she can leave whenever she wants. Right now I feel good and have someone to share my life with. Is that so bad?"

"Ray, all I ask is be careful. I would hate to see you get hurt," said Diane.

"I was hurt a few times in my life and the last time was when you decided to leave me. I don't think it gets much worse than that. Right now, I'm happy and I'm willing to see where this goes. Thanks for thinking about me, but this really isn't any of your business."

After I hung up with Diane, Sarah and I talked. She said she knew my family and friends probably didn't trust her, but that was all rright as long as I did.

I told her, "I trust you, but if I find you lying to me the trust will end and you will be out the door. We'll just take this a week at a time and see how it works out. As for my friends, I don't care what they think. If they don't want to spend time with us then they don't have too."

She wanted to settle in before finding work. I mentioned to her that she could go on some of my long hauls if she wanted to. I owned my own cab and could do pretty much what I wanted to.

She loved the idea and went with me about half the time. Every time I went to a new destination that she hadn't been to she would come along. After a while, she only went if the destination was new; she said she got bored with the same places. I couldn't hardly blame her.

****

We'd been together for a couple of years and life was good. Joe and Trina visited with us often when we were home, although I think Joe just liked looking at Sarah in a bathing suit. Trina looked great to me and still held that special place in my heart.

Trina got along with Sarah but they were far from best friends. I think Trina wanted to know more about her and also to keep an eye on Joe. I felt there might be a bit of jealousy there but I wasn't sure what the cause of it was.

Trina and I were still best friends and I always felt something when I hugged her. I lost her as I mentioned because I wasn't going to fight Joe for her. She made her choice and it was Joe.

On a long haul by myself—I was going back to North Carolina, and Sarah wanted nothing to do with it—I heard some more of "Cold, Cold Heart," by Hank Williams.

There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me But your heart now I know is shackled to a memory The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart?

That's the way it was with my feelings for Trina. Looking back at my life there was nothing that I wouldn't have given up just to be with her. Something deep inside me made me feel that maybe, just maybe she had a torch inside of her also.

I knew she would never cheat on Joe and I wouldn't want her to, even with me. It helped make her who she was and I would never want to change that. We just went on being best friends.

Once it was almost—almost—more than that. It happened while Diane and I were still married. We all got babysitters and went to the big city for an evening of dancing and partying for Diane's birthday. We also figured we'd splurge and spend the night at a hotel.

Of course we got separate rooms. After dinner, drinking and partying we went up to Joe and Trina's room and decided to play cards. We had all had to much to drink and Joe suggested we play strip poker. At first we laughed but since we were all best friends we said, "What the hell!"

I couldn't help but think that I might get a chance to see Trina naked; Joe was probably thinking of seeing Diane the same way. Before that day I had never thought of a swap just to be with Trina but it crossed my mind that time.

The game went on and we were all losing pieces of our clothing. Everyone laughed when someone lost an item. We had all been to the beach together a number of times and I had seen Trina in a bikini but this was different.

Joe and I were down to our t-shirts and briefs. Both women were down to their bra and panties.

Joe kept staring at Diane. She had on a sheer bra and you could almost see her bush through her panties. She must have been pretty sauced or she would have never let it go this far. I wondered why I was letting it go this far; I'm a jealous kind of guy, and I knew Joe couldn't be trusted.

Trina looked over at me, probably wondering what I was thinking. If she only knew. I wanted to take off the rest of her clothes and make love to her like I had dreamt of for years. The only problem was we were all married now.

She looked nice in her bra and matching panties. They weren't as sheer as Diane's, but I knew it wasn't that easy for her either. In the next hand Trina lost, which meant she had to remove her bra or panties.

She hesitated and looked at me. Joe yelled out, "Come on, babe, let's see some more skin. You lost."

When she reached back to unclasp her bra I said, "Stop! I think we've gone far enough. Let's stop before we do something we'll regret."

"Bullshit, Ray! Come on, we're just friends having fun. What's with you?" Joe glared at me.

"Joe, I don't know where this will end. You and Tina are my best friends, and Diane is my wife. I want to keep it that way. We're going back to our room and get some rest. We'll see you guys tomorrow for breakfast."

Diane and I slipped on some of our clothes and left for our room. The last thing I remember is looking back and Trina staring at me. To this day I have to wonder what might have been.

****

Sarah and I got along pretty well. She wasn't going on as many trips with me as when we first met, but that was okay. I could understand; it gets boring but it's how I make my living, and at least I'm doing the driving. Sarah found a job at the local deli, which gave her something to do when I was gone for days at a time.

I believed in taking care of people, and Sarah had had a hard time and was trying to make a new life. Besides, I'd have to pay the bills anyway, so I figured she might as well keep her money and spend or save it, whatever she wanted.

We still made love or at least had passionate sex whenever I was home. She joined a health club to keep in shape. She met a few friends there and asked if it was all right for them to come and visit at the house when I wasn't there.

I trusted her and felt she needed some friends of her own so I agreed. I met them and they seemed to be ok. The one exception I told Sarah was there was to be no single guys at the house alone with her.

"Don't you trust me, Ray?" she asked.

"So far I trust you and I want to keep it that way. I don't trust any man alone with you. I know how young men are when they are alone with a good-looking women."

Sarah kissed me and promised that no men from the gym would ever be alone with her in our home. With that said we headed to the bedroom and had some much needed sex.

One day while I was at home I went to the store for a few groceries and ran into Trina. "Damn, you are still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen."

Trina turned around and smiled when she saw it was me. She came over and gave me a hug. "Hi Ray, what brings you here?

"Milk and bread, plus I'm stalking you." I laughed. "Where's Joe?"

"Working late, as usual, so I thought I'd get out and get a few groceries and maybe a bite to eat."

"Mind if I go with you? Sarah's at one of her gym classes."

We got our groceries, put them in our cars and drove to a nice restaurant. We went in and ordered and talked for awhile. God, I loved being with her. I wished I could just take her away forever. I even told her so. She had to know that after all these years I still had strong feelings for her.

She laughed and told me I had had my chance but blew it.

I looked at her and asked when was that? She had chosen Joe, so I had stepped aside.

"Ray, I liked both you and Joe but wasn't sure which of you liked me. I decided the first to ask me to be their girl I would go with. Why didn't you fight for me? I liked you the best at the time but you never tried."

I told her the truth about the pact that Joe and I had made. How we promised never to go after the other's girlfriend. She just shook her head and called me an idiot.

"Ray, I have one more question I've always wanted answered but was afraid to ask you."

"Fire away."

"The one time we played strip poker. Remember, you and Diane, me and Joe in the motel room?"

"How could I ever forget? What do you want to know?"

"You stopped the game when I was about to take off my bra. You know Joe was touching Diane whenever he could, since she was three sheets to the wind. I was drunk enough that night that I probably would have given myself to you and you stopped it, why?"

"Because I loved you. There was nothing I wanted more than to be with you, but not under those circumstances. It would have killed you the next morning and I would have probably lost you as my best friend. Not to mention ruining two marriages."

"God, I'm so mad at you!"

"Me? What did I do?" I was confused.

"You didn't fight for me twenty-five years ago." She started crying.

"In my own defense, I didn't know you cared."

A song came over the restaurant's sound system. Was Hank Williams some kind of weird guardian angel?

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry You know you need and want my love yet you're afraid to try Why do you run and hide from life, to try it just ain't smart Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart?

She wiped her tears and slapped my arm for making her cry, so she said. I told her I would always love and be there for her. She kissed me on the cheek as we left the restaurant. I was happy and yet sad to see her go.

After I got home I told Sarah I had met Trina and we had dinner since she wasn't home.

"You have always loved her haven't you, Ray? I can hear it in your voice when you mention her name. I'd be willing to bet that you cared more for her than you did for Diane. Am I right?"

I thought before answering. "I believe there are layers of love. Though some might not be as strong as others it is still love. Yes, I love Trina; we've been friends since the day we were born. I still love Diane and my kids. I love you, too, Sarah. If I didn't you wouldn't be living here. I believe there is room in one's heart to love more than one person. Now, how about you and I going into the bedroom and I'll show you how much I love you?"

The one thing I could say about Sarah is she was one hell of a sex partner. We started out having oral sex, then I lay on my back while she rode me. Damn, I love that position. I could stare at her face as she came and watch our juices flow down my cock.

Life was different for me after Sarah moved in. I didn't see as much of my family as I would have liked to. Probably had to do with Sarah's age but we did see them for birthdays and holidays. I hardly ever talked to my ex-wife; I knew she was really pissed about Sarah moving in, but she lost her right to an opinion when she divorced me.

There were a lot of times that I didn't truly trust Sarah, but of course I never told her so. I realized that we weren't married and I didn't own her but we did have an agreement to be monogamous.

We had a few arguments about her wanting to go out with some of her friends. I told her that I didn't care if she went out but if I ever found out that she was with dating other man, our friendship would end and she would be out of my life

****

I arrived in West Virginia and dropped off my truck. It was late so I docked it and headed for my sleeper cab. It was a lot cheaper sleeping in my cab than renting a room. I was dead tired from all the driving and then thinking about beating up Joe and telling Sarah she had to leave. I knew everyone was going to tell me, "I told you so."

Then I thought about Trina and how hurt she would be. Now I wished I had kicked his ass a little more. Maybe I would when I got back home. Right now I just wanted some sleep.

I woke in the morning, and found out they weren't going to empty my load for a few hours. I headed to the truck stop and took a quick shower and headed to the restaurant. I hung around the truck stop for awhile and went back over to see if my truck was emptied yet.

After moving my truck I went in the office and signed my papers and headed back to my truck. I was approached by two state troopers who came up to me and asked if I was Ray Harman.

"Yep! That's me. What can I do for you gentlemen?"

"Sir, do you know a Sarah Connors?"

"Yes, I do. Is there a problem?" I asked.

"What about a Joe Warne, do you know him?" asked the officer.

"Yes, of course I do. I beat his ass for fucking my girlfriend yesterday. What did the asshole do, call the cops? The sorry bastard."

They told me I was wanted for questioning for the murder of Sarah Connors and Joe Warne.

I was dumbfounded. "There must be some kind of mistake. I didn't kill anyone. I told you I kicked Joe's ass and he deserved it, but I never even touched Sarah."

"Mr. Harman, we need to take you back to the precinct. We ask that you come peacefully."

They led me to the back of the squad car. I kept telling them they were making a mistake but they just told me I could tell my story after we got to the station.

They did ask me if I had a handgun. They had searched me but found nothing.

"I have a registered handgun under my sleeper in a drawer. The permit to carry is also in the drawer." I tried to co-operate as much as I could.

I was totally shaken up; I had a hard time thinking straight. It's a freaky thing to be questioned by the police. They read me my rights and said I didn't have to say anything until I spoke with an attorney. I told them I didn't do anything wrong and wanted to tell them what really happened.

They took my handgun and carrying permit and put it in a plastic bag. I saw the one officer smell the barrel, probably checking to see it it had been fired recently.

"I haven't shot it for quite a few months. I probably need to clean it."

They took my statement and told me I would be transferred back to Ohio. The Ohio State patrol was already on their way to pick me up. They did let me call my dispatch so my truck could be looked after; after all, the cab was mine but the trailer belonged to the company.

They also let me call a lawyer so one could be there for me when I returned back to Ohio. The only two I knew was Joe, who I was possibly accused of killing, and Diane's husband Paul. I called Paul and he told me he wasn't a criminal lawyer and that his firm wouldn't be able to handle the case anyway since Joe worked for them. He did say he would send over a friend who was a good criminal attorney from another firm. He also said not to answer any more questions until I was with the attorney.

When the Ohio State Police arrived I heard the West Virginia officer talk to them.

"He seemed surprised that these people were killed. He does have blood on his pants but admitted to fighting with Joe Warne before coming to West Virginia."

He handed him the plastic bag containing my handgun and permit. "He had this gun in his truck. It doesn't seem to have be fired recently. We checked the truck and didn't find any other weapons. It will stay parked here in case you need to do another search."

I was put in the back seat of the cruiser. At least since I was co-operating they took off the cuffs. I just sat there wondering what had happened after I left. When we got to the Ohio precinct I was taken to a room to be questioned.

It was already all over the radio and television about the murders. My name was even mentioned.

Ron Beck was my attorney. He was supposed to be pretty good. I told him my story and exactly what happened. That was when he told me that Sarah and Joe were both shot twice. Once in the head and again in the abdomen. They were both found in the kitchen. All Sarah had on was a robe, and Joe a t-shirt and briefs.

The district prosecutor came in to listen to my story. I told him everything I could remember from watching them fuck to me knocking Joe to the floor and busting his nose. I kept telling him that I never touched Sarah.

"When I left, I told her I'd be back in two days and to get the hell out of my house and I never wanted to see either one of them again."

"What room were they in when you last saw them?"

"The bedroom. Sarah was on the bed and Joe was on the floor. Neither had any clothes on. Who found them? Maybe that person killed them."

"Trina Warne found them. She had just gotten back from her daughter's house the night before and said her husband had never come home the night before. She got up and went looking for him when he didn't show up for work."

Oh, God, I thought. Why did she have to be the one? I wasn't even there to comfort her. "Oh no! I hope she doesn't believe I killed them."

"Mr. Harman, we're looking through the evidence but you are our primary suspect. Your neighbors saw you drive away in your truck the night before."

"I said I was there, I admitted to beating the crap out of Joe for fucking my girlfriend but I didn't kill anyone. You have to believe me."

"Well, Mr. Harman, right now we can hold you, without charging you for forty-eight hours, which we intend to do. If we file charges against you then the bail would probably be a million-dollar bond. Unless you can post a hundred thousand dollars you'll be with us till we get this crime solved. For your sake, I hope you're innocent.

"Mr. Harman, do you own a handgun?" asked the prosecutor.

"Yes, sir, the officers have it and I have a permit to carry it. I also have two shotguns and a twenty-two rifle in my closet."

****

Ron, my lawyer, told me he had a private investigator on the case. He said that there were too many unanswered questions and he believed I was innocent.

He asked me if I had feelings for Trina; he said it would give them another reason to think I killed Joe.

"I could see it in your face, so whatever you do, don't tell them," he advised. "By the way, Trina asked for permission to come and see you tomorrow. The District Attorney okayed it as long as they could listen in, so watch what you say."

Ron asked me if I had the money to post bond if needed. I told him I had about seventy-five thousand dollars in the bank but I would need it to pay for him and the investigator. He laughed and said hopefully I might get out in a few days. He really did believe I was innocent, which of course I was.

I didn't sleep well trying to figure out who might have done this. I was positive that Trina wasn't capable of such an act. Every person I knew ran through my mind. I wondered if it was someone who might have known Sarah; she had kept a lot of her past secret.

The next day Ron's PI came in and talked to me. He said he had talked with the neighbors who had seen my truck and they said that about an hour after that, they were sitting on the porch and saw an junky looking car go past the house. There were two men in it that they didn't know. They had never seen the car before.

They had given the police a good description of the car, although they hadn't gotten the license plate, only that they were from North Carolina, and there was an APB out for it. The car had drawn their attention since it was going so fast on the dirt road.

A couple of hours later I was told I had a visitor. It was Trina. I went to the Plexiglas window and lifted up the phone. As beautiful as she was, Trina looked so sad. She had tears coming down her face which made me cry.

"I'm so sorry you had to be the one to find them," was the first thing I said.

"Ray, tell me it wasn't you and I will believe you."

"Honest to God, Trina. I was there and found them...having sex. I beat the shit out of Joe and left. I have no idea what happened after that. Honest, I had nothing to do with it. I feel so sad for you. You deserved so much better."

I guess anyone listening in on our conversation could tell I cared for Trina. It was just so hard to hide.

Trina cried the whole time she was there. She told me that after Joe didn't come home and didn't report for work that she was worried and went looking for him. She had seen his car parked at my house. When she got to the door it was unlocked and she had walked in.

It the kitchen she had found them both dead. She was half in shock but had managed not to touch anything. She had even used her cell phone to call the police. They told her to stay there till they got there.

"Ray, I thought about you and thought you might have done it. If I had had a gun and walked in on them, I might have even pulled the trigger. Sarah just had on a robe and Joe a t-shirt and briefs. I knew they must have had sex. The police told me they did." She wiped at her eyes.

"They were naked when I left, and still in the bedroom. I figure they must have gone to the kitchen to put some ice on Joe's face. I beat him pretty good. I guess there are a couple of leads but I don't know much about them. Trina, I need you to know I didn't do this. I don't care who else believes me, but I need you to."

She was crying hard now and I couldn't even console her. I knew I had tears running down my cheeks. "I believe you Ray, I really do."

Our time was up and Trina left. I was taken and questioned again. They kept getting the same answers. I always felt if you told the truth there wouldn't be any lies to try and remember. They seemed to know a lot about Joe but kept asking questions about Sarah.

I told them how we met at the restaurant she had worked at in North Carolina. I told them the name of her friend and where she lived there. I mentioned the gym she worked out in and the name of some of her friends I met.

They asked me over and over if I was in love with Trina. I couldn't hide it; I told them that we had been friends forever and that I had always loved her but we had never been intimate. Joe had been my best friend. That's probably why I just beat the shit out of him instead of killing him.

They had considered Trina a suspect as well but she had a solid alibi, spending the evening with her daughter. As for me, I was still on the list.

Another day passed and Ron asked me about Sarah's remains. I told him since she had lived with me, I would pay for her funeral. The prosecuting attorney told me he was going to let me out for now but not to leave the state.

Ron drove me to my place. It still had the yellow tape across my door. He told me the police would be done with it by tomorrow. I was allowed in to pack a couple of suitcases. I could see the blood on the kitchen floor and even some in the bedroom. I was going to spend the next few days in a motel.

I asked Ron about the mess in my house. He said he had contacted a cleaning crew and they would be there in a couple of days to clean the place up. I told him to get rid of the whole bed, mattress and all. I couldn't imagine sleeping on it now.

I got in my pickup and went to the motel. After checking in I went to a funeral home and set up funeral arrangements for Sarah. I had picked up a dress for her at the house while I was there. I told them there would be no calling hours and it would be a graveside service only.

The burial would be the following day and they took care of all the arrangements. It was sad, even though she cheated on me, the poor girl had lived a shit life and ended up being killed.

When I went to attend the graveside service I was surprised to see my kids, Diane, and Paul. The fact that they'd done it for me made me cry again. In addition, there were about twenty other people. I didn't know any of them so I figured they knew she was the woman who had been shot and just had to see. I'm glad I had a closed casket.

Joe's funeral was the following day. Diane had told me that she and Trina thought it best if I didn't attend. It was going to be hard on everyone. Trina would have liked me there but I think she was concerned with Joe‘s family. Knowing he had been cheating on Trina made it difficult for her. Diane and my kids were there for her as well as her own family. Some people from Joe's law firm as well as some of his friends and family attended also.

The day of Joe's funeral I asked the prosecutor if I could have permission to go get my truck and bring it home. He did give me a two-day pass even though it wouldn't even take one. I decided to take the two days just to get away.

A couple of days later the police got a good lead. They contacted Sarah's old roommate in North Carolina thanks to the leads given by my PI. Turned out that Sarah's old boyfriend had been recently released from prison; he'd been serving time for an armed robbery a few years back. He had stopped by her old apartment to find out where she was.

Sarah's roommate didn't want to give out her new address but the guy slapped her around until she gave in. She was afraid to call the police because Jules, Sarah's old boyfriend, had told her he would come back and kill her if she did.

She still had the bruises from Jules' assault. She told the police what type of car Jules was driving and it matched the one my neighbor couple had described. We hoped that it was the same man or men that killed Sarah and Joe.

The North Carolina highway patrol pulled over a vehicle for speeding that fit the description of the suspect's car. There were two men inside; they were searched and the police found a handgun. The men's names were Jules Craigo and his friend, Franco Marsetti.

They wouldn't admit to being in Ohio or to the killings, but the police took the gun for ballistics testing, and the men in for unlawful possession of a firearm. Once it was found out that the bullets were shot from their gun, they were transferred to Ohio for processing.

Two days later they confessed.

Jules had been Sarah's boyfriend at the time he had committed the robberies. Sarah had let him hide all the merchandise that he had stolen at her parents' house. After Jules was recognized at one of the robberies, she was questioned as to his whereabouts. They had promised not to charge her if she co-operated with the police.

She was young and scared, pregnant with his child and a slew of other problems. Sara had given his location to the police, and they had arrested him soon after.

During his trial she had to testify against him and it was her testimony that put him away for five years. She had a miscarriage after the trial. It was then she tried to put her life together and got a job as a waitress. When she met me she saw a way out of her lifestyle.

My lawyer said that the last thing that Jules said to Sarah after his trial was that he was going to get her and whoever she was with when he got out of prison. Joe had been in the wrong place at the wrong time; Jules and his friend had shown up about an hour after I had left.

I would like to say lady luck saved my life, but then Joe hadn't had much luck. Ron stopped by and asked me to come to the courthouse with him to pick up my permit and handgun. I wasn't sure where I would go from here. I guessed I would just have to take it one day at a time.

When I stepped outside of the court house to hail a taxi to go home, I found Trina standing in front of her car waiting for me. The last verse of the song popped into my head, even without a radio.

Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do In anger unkind words are spoke that make the teardrops start Why can't I free your doubtful mind, and melt your cold, cold heart?

"Hey good looking, need a ride?"

I smiled at her, got in and was ready to start the next chapter of my life.

Thank you for reading my story. Comments are always welcome and appreciated. DG Hear