This Bed of Rose's
written by:
Dynamite Jack

This Bed of Roses — DYN by Dynamite Jack ©

Note: there is minimal sex in this story!

Several authors are coming out with stories based on the song, "This Bed Of Rose's." There are two main versions of this song, one by Tanya Tucker with the main character (other than Rose) being a young girl and a version by The Statler Brothers with the main character a young man. Having a choice of male or female for the main character offers many options for variations in the story line.

The genesis of this story was an exchange of emails between Josephus and I and we decided it would be fun to have stories written by different authors based on the same starting story source, released at more or less the same time. We quickly added techsan and each of us invited additional authors to participate. Enjoy the stories coming out of this "invitational challenge."

Regards, Dynamite Jack

Thanks very much, as always, to Techsan for his quick and accurate editing!

Thanks for reading, please vote.

This story takes place in and around Julesburg, Colorado from the late 1880s to the early 1900s.

"This bed of roses that I lay on Where I was taught to be a man This bed of roses where I'm living Is the only kind of love I understand"

Bed of Rose's Statler Brothers The Best of the Statler Brothers ©1987 UMG Recordings, Inc. (Don Reid — Harold Reid)

DUTCH MOFFATT

My life changed that first day of the big storm. Later people came to call it the Christmas Blizzard of '87. We lived on a farm a few miles out of what just became Julesburg for the third time. The first Julesburg just kind of fizzled out. A few years later the town was resurrected and moved a few miles to be close to the new transcontinental railroad. It also became famous as a Pony Express stop.

When they started the spur down to Denver, the town moved a few miles to be closer to the new line and renamed itself Denver Junction. Now six years later we got some civic pride and wanted to get out of Denver's shadow so we went back to Julesburg.

Dad had to go to Sedgwick for a couple of days for the funeral of a close friend of his. I wasn't figuring to see my girl for Christmas but ‘cause dad was leaving we had our Christmas a day early. Everyone called my dad Dutch and up until last year I was known as Little Dutch. Then I shot up a few inches and put on some weight so I was bigger than my dad so we both come to be called Dutch. Dad came over from Germany when he was a teenager and settled in Pennsylvania with his folks. When he married mom, they came out west to have their own land.

Dad took off on his buggy about four on Christmas morning, saying he'd be back in four, five days. Sedgwick was about 15 miles west of us. Our farm was on the South Platte River five miles downstream from Julesburg. Around ten I asked mom if it was okay for me to go into town and see Julie.

"Sure, honey, I'll be okay. Just be back ‘fore dark — Dutch said it might snow today."

I saddled up my pinto and rode into town. Julie's dad worked for the railroad doing track maintenance and was gone a lot. Her mom was a full blood Cheyenne and had died of the fever a few years ago so she was on her own a lot. Her dad, Frederick, was there when I got there but had to leave after an hour. The guy that came to the door said it was snowing heavy with big drifts towards Cheyenne on the main track and they needed everyone to come in to keep the tracks clear.

"Dutch, this looks like a bad one, so don't stay too long."

"Yessir. As soon as I whip this cream and eat some of that great gingerbread of Julie's, I'll take off."

Julie had a slightly olive tinted skin with long, straight black hair she wore almost to her waist. She had full eyebrows shadowing the darkest brown eyes I'd ever seen. She had the high cheekbones of her mom but she had the height of her dad. She was almost as tall as I was and as pretty as a picture.

Well, I was awful moony about Julie and it was about three that we could hear the house shake from a sudden blast of air. I opened the front door and the wind tore it from my hand. The temperature had dropped somethin' alarming and I grabbed a last piece of cake and kissed Julie on the cheek.

I'd just worn a regular jacket so Julie gave me one of her dad's. It was way tight on me but the fleece lining felt good. I always kept my gloves in my saddlebag. My pony, Paint, didn't want to leave the small shed behind Julie's house but I kicked her a few times and we got started. That was the worst ride of my life! It was hard to tell which end was up in what was now a full-fledged blizzard. The wind was blowing the snow straight out of the northwest and was starting to drift somewhat fierce.

After losing the road a couple times I cut off to my right until I reached the river. As long as I followed the riverbank I knew I'd hit the farm. About half way home, I had stop off and give Paint a rest. I walked until I couldn't any more, breaking a path through the snow. My ears felt like they were on fire.

I finally had to get back on my horse — now I was worrying some about even stayin' alive. At last, I knew we were on our land — two quarter-sections laid along the river — and started feeling better. I saw the barn and jumped off to pull the door open. I took the saddle off and put some grain in the feedbag for Paint — he'd sure earned it. As I pulled the heavy barn door closed, my life as I knew it ended.

I heard the heavy roar of a shotgun, barely muffled by the wind, and knew it was my dad's twelve gauge. From the sound, I knew it was both barrels. I stumbled through the drifting snow, scared now. I knew dad kept the gun on the rack on the kitchen wall and he always kept it loaded. An eerie keening sound drew me towards my folk's bedroom. It was an unearthly sound, not anything that could be made by a sane person.

I got to the open door of the bedroom and froze in shock. My mom was in bed with Bill Curtis — he owned a big ranch some miles south of us — both of them naked and both of them ... very dead. I could see what happened: my dad had tried to kill Mr. Curtis but in his agony he forgot what both barrels could do. Mr. Curtis was most blown in two but mom had caught enough of the double-ought pellets that she died ‘most instantly too.

I forced myself to look at Dad and saw his eyes were as dead as my mom's were. He was still making this god-awful noise and I was about to panic.

I knew where my dad kept his jug and I ran in and grabbed it. Taking a big swig for myself, I ran in and handled the jug to dad. He seemed to know what to do with it so, after he drank several long swallows, I led him into the living room and sat him in his chair. I built up the fire and covered Dad with a blanket.

I sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace and just started sobbing. I didn't know what to do — I wouldn't even be able to get over to Edilson's place a half-mile away through the storm. I guess the storm also made Dad turn back.

The storm lasted three days. My dad was catatonic — he just sat there drinking. He went through a couple of jugs of corn whiskey while the storm lasted. He didn't talk even once ... once in a while he would look over to the bedroom door. A couple times he would use the bucket in the kitchen corner I'd set up.

I thought I'd go crazy — in the house with my crazy dad and two dead people for three days — no one to tell me what to do, no one to help me out. I couldn't do more for Dad than give him the whiskey, which seemed to help him some. I covered Mom and Mr. Curtis with a heavy quilt and opened the bedroom window wide and closed the bedroom door. I put some rags again the base of the door to keep the wind from coming in.

I made it to the barn a couple of times to take care of the animals. I had to tie a rope so I could find my way back and forth. Dad had left the horse and buggy in the front of the house. I got them in the barn but almost died doing it. I took the saddle off Mr. Curtis' horse and turned him loose. I knew I didn't have enough feed for our horses and his also.

On the morning of the third day the storm cleared. I made a path so I could go back and forth to the barn but didn't see how I could get to town. Around noon a group of riders, maybe six of them rode in looking for Mr. Curtis. They didn't know he had been here; they were just looking.

I told them what had happened and led them in the house. The wind had drifted snow in through the bedroom window and covered the floor and the bed. The bodies were frozen stiff. Four of them rode into Julesburg to get the sheriff and a wagon. They got my dad on a horse and took him with them. I never saw him again. I found out later they had put him in a crazy people's place and he died six months later. I never could find out what had happened.

The other three talked it over and just left the bedroom the way it was, window open and bodies frozen. One of them stayed to keep me company and the other two went back to the ranch to tell Mr. Curtis' wife that he was dead.

The sheriff came the next day but couldn't get a wagon through yet. He stayed for a couple hours looking things over and talking to me ... but it was pretty clear what had happened. He left and finally was able to get through with a wagon the next day. He took the bodies and the guy that had stayed behind helped me clean up the bedroom. We took all the bedding out in the yard and burned it.

I stayed there for several months until I ran out of money. Mom had kept a jar hidden and had most of forty dollars in it. I tried to see Julie a couple of times but her dad said it wasn't fittin' for the son of a crazy killer to see his daughter. I saw her once in town and she cried but said she had to obey her dad. I ‘most cried too but I guess I kind of understood.

I tried to keep going to school but the kids gave me a hard time. Benny Curtis was the worst. He and his friends jumped me a couple of times. If it had been him alone I probably could have whupped him, even though he was somewhat bigger that I was. But with three of them they hurt me bad.

The bank's taking the farm over finally forced me away from the only home I'd ever known. I didn't have anywhere regular to stay. Mr. Edilson let me stay in his barn a few times but he said he couldn't afford to feed me.

The only thing I had left was Paint. I'd ride around trying to get odd jobs or get food where I could. I finally decided to try going to Denver. I didn't know what else to do. I had a guy that said he'd buy Paint — for half what he was worth. But I needed money for the train and enough to live on ‘til I could find a real job. Several people, like the sheriff, said there wouldn't be many jobs until the spring. I guess things were tough all over.

Eventually I got so desperate I'd stand outside of different business in town trying to beg for some money. Mostly the owners would chase me away — my clothes were pretty bedraggled by then. It got so the only place I got any money was in front of the church on Sunday mornings. People must have been feeling guilty from the sermon or something', ‘cause I was finally getting ‘most enough money to go to Denver.

It was the first warm day of spring. I remember there was a gentleness in the air, a soft warmth that had been missing for too many months. I figured I needed five more dollars and I could take off. Most of the people had left after church. I thought I had enough money but I'd wait ‘til the last person left.

I saw a woman pull up on the road in front of the church, watching me. I looked at her and she was really pretty. I'm sure I was blushin' somethin' fierce. A guy came out of the church and saw me there. He'd been giving me fifty cents the last couple of weeks. I started in my, "Hey, Mister," routine I'd made perfect. He gave me a dirty look then threw a silver dollar at me.

"Get the hell out of here! I'm tired of seeing you here all the time."

He cuffed me up the side of the head and walked away. I saw the woman getting out of the carriage. Right then Benny Curtis came out — I guess he'd been behind the church in the stables. He laughed at me and tried to take my small leather bag away from me. I had it out to put the silver dollar in.

I sure wasn't going to let it go. I took a swing at him and knocked him down. I was going to start running when his two friends jumped me. I fought somethin' fierce but they were too much. Benny got up and kicked my arm hard; I heard something snap and felt a terrible pain.

I could hear the woman yelling and cussin' really bad words and then she started whipping them with her buggy whip. They laughed at her and one of them took the whip away from her. They left me alone and started circling her.

"Hey, Rose, come around back with us." Benny held my moneybag up, and continued, "I even got some money here so I can pay you your whore money. What do you say, Rose?"

They started closing in tighter around her. I tried to stand up but my arm was hurting so bad I couldn't do it. I was getting scared for Rose. Since Benny's dad had died, he had started drinking and acting real ugly.

Suddenly I heard a shot. The three boys jumped back and Rose was standing there with a small two-barrel derringer in her tiny hand.

"Come on, Benny! I got one shot left for you. Where do you want it?"

She pointed the gun at Benny's privates and he and the other two took off running, calling her names. Rose sat down and put my head on her lap.

"You're Dutch's kid, ain't you?" she said as she took out a small handkerchief with the smell of lavender on it and started wiping off my face.

I was trying hard not to cry: it wasn't so much the pain but Benny had taken off with my money. Rose took me to the doctor to fix my arm and we drove out to her place in her buggy. The doctor had given me some laudanum so I wasn't feeling too much pain.

She lived on a small place some nester had built and abandoned years ago. She helped me fix a place to stay in her small barn. Two days later I had my seventeenth birthday. I didn't tell her — I guess I wanted to make her think I was older than I was. One year later on my birthday, Rose made me a man.

THE FADED ROSE

She was a handsome woman just thirty-four Who was spoken to in town by very few She managed a late evening business Like most of the town wished they could do - Statler Brothers

I was born Rosie Donahue on that old squatter shack out west of Julesburg. Life was pretty good until my mom died from pneumonia when I was fourteen. Two years later my dad died when his horse broke a leg in a prairie dog hole. The doc said he hit his head on a rock.

The next year I managed okay on my own. It was sure lonely though. One day during a heavy rainstorm this gambler passed through. He stopped to get some coffee and warm up. He said he was tired of Denver and wanted to live where it was quieter. I learned later that he was run out of town.

Well, he got me in bed before I knew what was happening. He was gentle so it wasn't too bad. He just brought his saddlebags in and made himself at home. He used me a lot but after a while I learned to like it. After a few months he did take me into town and we got hitched so I felt better.

He would go in and gamble three or four nights a week — the rest of the time he'd either chase me around the house or drink. He seemed to have plenty of money so I was able to fix up the house like my pa had never been able to.

About a year after we were married he tried to mark the cards with the wrong man and wound up shot in the stomach. He hung on for two days ... long enough for me to get to town and hear his too late "I'm sorries." He was buried and I tried to move on. I figured after a few weeks I'd never really loved him. He just took my life over without a never-you-mind.

I made out okay. I would do some sewing for the town folks, making dresses and what not. I also had a hen house full of chickens so I sold the eggs. I had some hogs that I gradually sold off but I didn't know enough to keep that going.

A few months after my gambler man, Jim, had died I was out hanging my wash. I was pinning up my unmentionables when a rider came into the yard and reined up. I think he was just going to get some water but when he saw my underclothes he got other ideas.

He gave me a hard look and asked, "You were Jim's wife, Rose, weren'tcha?"

I just nodded, starting to get a little afraid.

He looked over at my wet clothes on the line, nodded his head and jumped off his horse. He grabbed my arm and took me into the house and he ... just took me. I fought what I could but he was a big man and laughed at me.

When he left, I lay there crying for a long time. What was going to happen to me?

Later when I got up to wash, I saw he had left some money on the dresser. I got mad and threw it on the floor. Later I realized I was almost out of food so I shamelessly got on my knees and picked up the money. One night a couple of weeks later, he knocked on the door, real loud like. I was scared but I thought whoever it was would break down the door. Finally I opened the door standing there in my worn robe. It was the same guy and he'd been drinking.

Well, he took me into the bedroom and did what he wanted. He fell asleep on top of me, snoring somethin' awful. I finally got out from under him and slept on a carpet on the floor. The next morning he made me fix him some breakfast. He left more money than the first time.

A week after that a guy came by in the afternoon and said Tom sent him. This man put the money on the dresser right away. Two nights later a man from town came out and left me a lot more money than the other guys.

I'd try to fight them once in a while but I eventually just got too damn tired. I quit fighting and laid down the law — no drunks. Most of the men were pretty good about it. I guess they talked to each other — I don't know what — but after a time almost no drunks showed up.

I started making some fancy clothes to wear and charging them my price instead of taking what ever they would leave. I began to think I needed a man on the place to protect me and help around the place. With a man, I could start the hogs again.

Then I found Dutch that day in front of the church and brought him home with me.

A NEW LIFE FOR DUTCH

Rose took me home with her and I found out right away that she was a lady. That was a surprise for me — I'd heard all the stories and knew what she did. When she wasn't "working," she dressed nice, even a little conservative. She was smart as heck and read books all the time.

She told me about her gambling man and showed me the books he'd had in his saddlebags. She ordered new books all the time and they were delivered by the railroad. She made me start reading them too. It was hard but she helped me and I got better.

I couldn't do too much until my arm got better but she talked to me about her plans.

"Dutch, this is not the life I wanted. It happened to me and I had to accept it but I hate it ... and I hate myself. I want to get out of this life. If you help me, I'll help you."

So as my arm healed I got the hogs started again. I made their shed bigger and doubled the size of the hog pen. I did the same thing with her egg production.

I'd never used a gun except for my dad's shotgun — and I'd broke that against a tree. Rose had a man she knew — I didn't know if he was one of her "clients" as she called them. He brought me out a new rifle and taught me to shoot it. He told me I had an "uncanny" ability with it. He also started teaching me to box — I learned that pretty good too.

Part of my job was to protect Rose. She was death on drunks. Normally when a man came by, I'd stay in the barn until I heard him leave. If a drunk showed up, I was to make him leave, "... by whatever means I could." I got pretty good at talking drunks down. A few I had to be more forceful and a couple I had to encourage to never return.

I'd reached my height by this time and, with the regular meals and the hard work, I was filling out. It got so no one wanted to mess with me.

The first Christmas I was at Rose's place seemed somewhat special to her. I cleaned up the place spic and span and helped Rose put up some decorations.

"Dutch, this is a special guy coming today. He is a judge in Denver and has been a really good friend."

I was starting to get mad when her "friends" came by but, she was so good to me, I put up with it.

One day I was in town buying some supplies — one of my jobs — when I ran into Julie. She filled out some also and was lookin' real womanly. I realized how much I missed her — even loved her. I talked to her for a minute and then I got bold — I knew her dad still didn't like me anymore but Julie was now a woman grown.

"Julie, I miss you. Could I take you to the dance tonight?"

Her face turned ugly and she slapped me. "How dare you. You are living with that wh ... whore and sleepin' with her too as if I didn't know."

She turned and ran away and I was hurt. Rose was a good woman that bad things had happened to. I wasn't sleeping with her! My heart was heavy as I drove the wagon back to her place.

Things went on and then one day she got me started with planting rose bushes all around the yard and put in a picket fence. It came out real pretty but I didn't realize for a long time what Rose was gonna do. I found out on my birthday!

I'd butchered two hogs and took the meat into town. When I came back I saw a new sign by the gate in front of the house. I didn't understand for sure what it was all about until later but the sign said:

<blockquote>Rose has retired. If you really want to pluck a rose help yourself to any of the roses in the yard. Be careful though; the Rose in the house has thorns.</blockquote>

I knocked on the door and Rose sent me around back. She had the tub set up on the porch and was pouring hot water in it when I got around the house. I looked at her a little sheepishly — with the mess from the hogs and the dust, I was pretty rank smellin'.

I could see she had some of my clean clothes stacked on the bench. I stood there waitin' for her to leave. Finally I was getting embarrassed.

Rose shook her head a bit, laughing. "Dutch, you ain't got anything I haven't seen before."

So I undressed and kneeled in the tub. She looked hard at me, nodding like she'd been right about somethin'.

When I dried off with one of her nice towels and put on the clean clothes, I knocked on the door. The lamps were off — the only light was a birthday cake with a bunch of candles on it. I realized with a shock that I was eighteen today! As I got closer I saw she was dressed with only a thin, really pretty robe — all pink and stuff.

With a quiet, almost shy voice, Rose said, "Dutch, blow out the candles. I'll make the wish for you."

It was dark now, a little light filtering through the shutters. She took my hand and led me into her bedroom. When we came out that night, I was a man and I knew I loved Rose. Not the same way I loved Julie but Julie had pushed me away ... and Rose took me in.

She fixed some pork chops and put a big jar of applesauce on the table. After we finished, I did my best to demolish the cake. Rose brought some coffee and started talking. She told me the whole story of what had happened to her.

"Dutch, that's not the life I dreamed about. It's hard for a woman to live alone out in the country like this." She looked down at the table then looked up with pride and resolution showing on her face. "I'm quittin' with the men! No more. Did you see that sign out front? I'm gonna need your help to make the men understand.

"I care a lot for you, Dutch. I know you're a lot younger than me, but you have been my rock for the last year. If you will have me after all the men that have been out here, you will be my only man."

I stared at her lovely face, glowing in the lamplight. I stood up and taking her hand I led her back into the bedroom.

Over the next year I came to love Rose in a special way. I tried to get her to marry me, but she refused. She taught me about women and how to pleasure them.

The second Christmas I was there was different because no one was coming over: it was just Rose and I. We did the same thing as the first year - cleaned everything and put up a bunch of home-made decorations. I'd caught a wild turkey so we a big dinner.

That night when I went to Rose's bed was special. We came together in a fierce coupling - Rose was showing a depth of passion I'd never seen in her before. Later I made slow, gentle love with her. I woke in the night and heard her crying so I put my arm around her, holding her tight, until she fell asleep again.

I started taking her into town with me when I went in and openly walked around, her hand tucked under my arm. I saw Julie once and she turned red when she saw me with Rose. She ran away and I didn't see her for a while.

I heard later she was going with Joe Johnson. He was just a flash cowboy with no bottom to him. Well, he got her pregnant then moved up to Montana. I guess Julie was just starved for affection with her dad gone all the time, her mom dead and me being as good as dead to her. She had been easy prey for Joe, a man fully experienced in telling girls lies and making them believe him. He had promised her marriage and a home but he sure never meant to. It was good he left the area ‘cause I knew I would have killed him.

It liked to break Julie's dad. I saw him in town one day when she was about four months along.

"She sits around all day cryin'. She's not eating right and I don't know what to do."

He did apologize for what he'd done to break us up.

"I shoulda known none of it was your fault what happened. Things would have been better if you had come to live with us and married Julie."

I shook my head sadly and patted him on the back.

I don't know how long things would have gone on like this until one day I'd been out hunting antelope. I had bad luck on a couple of shots so I turned for home early. As I got close I saw a man riding away hard, spurring his horse viciously. I got Paint running as fast as I could and jumped off before he was fully stopped and ran into the house. Inside I saw Rose lying on the floor — her clothes were mostly tore off and her face was bloody. She looked like a steer had kicked her. Her cheekbones were caved in and her nose was barely visible.

I leaned over her, crying now, but she was dead. Something died in me then because Rose was a good woman that had bad times. I covered her with a blanket and ran out to my horse, taking off after that man. I knew I was going to kill him.

I ran poor Paint hard — he was never the same after that — and gradually caught up with him. Taking careful aim so as not to not hit him I shot the horse out from under him. He went flying and landed hard.

I jumped down and saw he was dazed — I could see Rose's blood all over his shirt and hands. I wanted him to know what was happening so I grabbed my canteen and dumped it on him and jerked him up. I looked him in the eyes and I told him what I was going to do to him.

I took a measured swing and hit him as hard as I could in the breadbasket. He collapsed to the ground again, sobbing for breath. I picked him up and hit him in the face like he had done to Rose. I guess I went a lot crazy ... I was lying on the ground crying, sobbing and felt an awful pain in my hands. I looked at one and saw a broken bone sticking through.

I looked over at the man; he was dead. I suppose I shoulda felt bad but I didn't. It was like butchering one of the hogs — it was just a job that had to be done. I got back on Paint and walked him over to the nearest ranch. I borrowed a horse and rode back to Julesburg. I talked to the sheriff and told him everything. He took me over to the doctor and got a couple of men and a team to pick up the two bodies.

The sheriff came back and took me aside to talk to me.

"Dutch, I think you were a bit confused when your horse threw you when you shot that drifter's horse. I mean, falling on your hand like that had to put you in shock. When you killed that guy's horse he fell on his face. Poor guy must have died instantly."

I knew the sheriff — Johnny was his name — had been a regular at Rose's and that they had been sorta friends.

The minister didn't want Rose buried in his graveyard but somehow Johnny convinced him. No one would dig the grave — maybe they were afraid of their wives — so Johnny dug it himself. There were only four people there. There was an older lawyer, Johnny and myself. At the last minute Julie surprisingly showed up with a Bible.

Julie read some from the good book and said a prayer. We all muttered "amen". The lawyer told me to stop over at the saloon after I was done. I expected they wanted something strong to drink.

I stood looking at Julie. She had a pinched look to her face and showed nothin' like a smile. She was showing pretty big now and looked awkward.

"Dutch, I'm sorry about Rose. I know she meant a lot to you and no one should have to die like that."

She stopped for a bit, tears coming to her eyes.

"Dad told me what he said to you. I was wrong just like he was. You're a good man, Dutch, as good as anyone. I miss you terribly, and I wish ... I wish it had turned out right."

She gave me a quick awkward hug and turned away, walking fast. I could see her shoulders shaking.

I sat down on the grave, drops of sadness leaking slowly from my eyes, and said goodbye to Rose. I was going to miss her and I had no idea what I was going to do now.

I got up, ready to go back to Rose's place — I didn't know what else to do. I felt disconnected — as if I was drifting. As I went past the saloon, I remembered that the lawyer wanted to see me; Lance somethin' I think was his name.

I went in and saw them at a table in the back. There was a bottle on the table and a glass in front of the extra chair. Johnny nodded at me to sit and poured me a shot. He held up his glass and said, "To Rose."

We all drank the shot down and I sputtered a bit but did okay. The lawyer looked at me with a look of speculation on his face.

"I'm Lance Albright. I've never met you formally but I've seen you around." He paused while the sheriff poured another drink. You probably don't know about this but Rose left a will. Everything she has goes to you. She has quite a bit of money. Judge During in Denver was a very good friend of hers and has been investing it. Are you with me so far?"

I was a bit stunned by this revelation — this was about the last thing I'd expected. I emptied my glass and nodded.

"Now Rose really liked you. She felt you had some bad breaks just like she did and wanted you to have a chance. The Judge has it set up for you to go to school back east, a school called Harvard in Boston. Have you ever heard of it?"

I'd heard of Boston of course but not Harvard so I shook my head.

"Everything will be taken care of. Come August you will take the train back and go to school. She wanted you to be a lawyer. Is that okay?"

I was numb by this time — I wasn't sure if it was the whiskey or the talk ... or both.

So it worked out that way. The day before I was to leave I went to see Julie.

"How are you feeling, Julie? You look good."

"I'm doing okay, Dutch. The baby is due in October; I guess I'll do okay. I heard you were going away to school."

I told her all about it. "I'd like to write you if that's okay. I'll be back summers. The lawyer, Lance, said I can work with him for those months."

"I'd like that, Dutch. I'd like that a lot. I'll write you too and let you know what's going on here.

LETTERS

Julie,

I'm finally here at Boston. It's been a challenge since I haven't finished my education. Rose made me work hard so I'm strong in some things but in others I'm way behind. I had to get a tutor and study a lot at nights when everyone else was out drinking beer.

I think about you a lot — wishing things had been different. I hope people forgive Rose. She was a good woman that had a hard life like I did.

How are you? Are you feeling okay?

Dutch

~~~~~~

Dutch,

It was good to hear from you. I'm doing okay but I'm as fat as a pregnant heifer. (Ha, Ha) The baby is due next month.

I also wish things had been different. No one was loyal to you and Dad and I were as bad as anyone. Rose was the only person that believed in you, that saw what a good man you are.

Tell me about your school and Boston. Are there a lot of pretty girls there?

Dad says hello and asks one more time for you to forgive him — even as he mutters, " ... though I sure as hell don't deserve it."

Julie.

~~~~~~

Dear Julie,

I've been asked to join the boxing team. The coach saw me working out in the gym and said I was good enough to be on the team. I'm excited about that.

There are a lot of pretty girls here — but none that can hold a candle to the girls in Julesburg. Shucks, Julie, I mean none are as pretty as you are.

I have to learn to dance. My roommate goes to a lot of parties so his sister is teaching me how to dance. I don't like it much.

Dutch

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Dearest Dutch,

I'm a momma! I have a little boy; he is so big! It's the strangest feeling in the world but a wonderful feeling. Before you ask I'm doing fine.

I just wish someone else had been the father — guess who I have in mind. I was so stupid. It's my own fault for being so mean to you.

It would be so nice if my baby had a father who ... who could dance ... and box! Dutch, I did a bad thing. I named the baby Dutch after two of the finest men I've ever known. Please don't hate me — I'll change it if you want.

Love, Julie

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Dearest Julie,

I'm touched and honored that you named the baby Dutch — I just wish it were mine. You sound happy. That's good because this could have been a really bad time for you.

Tell your dad I understand. I don't think I'm the one to forgive him ... forgiveness has to come from within.

I had to laugh about your comment about dancin' and boxin'. Now you can add shootin'! I've joined the Massachusetts Rifle Association. In the first match held at the Walnut Hill range outside Woburn, we shot at iron targets at different distances. I shot at the 800, 900 and 1000 yard targets and had a second and two firsts and was the overall champion on points. The club members are a great bunch of guys.

One of the member's father has a lot of money and this guy was saying I should marry his sister! Isn't that funny?

Love, Dutch

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Darling Dutch,

I don't think you would be happy with a lot of money. I know you are learning to dance and everything but don't you miss the wide-open skies here?

Wow, that's something about the shooting contest. You should be proud of yourself. I know that little Dutch and I are.

Dad said to tell you thanks for your kindness. He feels a lot better. I do too, but I miss you. I'm really lonely. Even so I'm not going to go to any dances or to see anyone. We haven't talked but I want to be there for you if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me.

I've loved you since I was a little girl but I was stupid and I've probably lost you.

Love, Julie

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Dearest Julie,

Today is Christmas Day and I feel very lonely ... and alone. It was three years ago today that everything happened at home with my mom and dad and all.

I feel you close in my heart. Your love is like a seed that by proper nurturing grows and grows.

I grow homesick more each day. I am tired of the crowds. I want to see you, Julie.

All my love, Dutch

HOME AGAIN

At the end of the school year I rode the rails home as tired as I'd ever been. I was excited about seeing Julie again — I was ready to hold her in my arms. I just hoped she would be receptive.

I didn't want to tell her yet but in a couple of years the University of Colorado would be establishing a law school in Boulder. It would be a lot less expensive than going to Harvard. It was a wonderful experience for me to go there and I'd have to say it matured me a lot ... but I wasn't home.

The plan was that I would be a clerk for Lance until the new law school opened - and then summers after that. Meanwhile I would be spending as much time with Julie as I could and I planned some surprises for Julie come Christmas. I'd talked to enough people that I thought I had the details all right.

I didn't tell Julie the date that I was coming. We had continued our letters back and forth and I felt we knew each other much better than we had before. Our letters gradually became more intimate and we shared our dreams and hopes for the future. I knew there would be some problems with some of the people in town but I wasn't worried about that.

The train got in late in the day so I rented a horse and buggy (so I could carry all my luggage) from the livery stable and went out to Rose's old farm. I was sure it was going to be a mess after being gone for so long.

It was a warm spring evening but there was still a hint of the cold yet in the mountains to the west in the freshening breeze. I was startled to see a light in the window. I thought maybe a vagrant had broken in and was staying there. I quietly opened the kitchen door and was startled to see the kitchen and the rest of the house sparkling clean. I walked into the living room and didn't see the object on the floor. I tripped over it and fell down hard making a lot of noise. I sat there stunned - lookin' with wonder at a broken baby rattle.

Suddenly there was a scream from the bedroom followed by the angry cry a baby makes when it didn't really want to wake up. I got to my feet as the door to the bedroom opened and a rolling pin came hesitantly out, searching for a target. I held still, now intrigued. Slowly, uncertainly, Julie poked her head out.

Seeing me there, she cried out, "Dutch!" and launched herself at me — knocking us both to the floor again. She was all over me, huggin' and kissin' like crazy ... the baby now caterwauling providing a noisy backdrop.

Julie finally heard the baby and ran to the bedroom to get him. She shyly handed him to me, "Dutch, this is Dutch," she said with a gleam in her eye.

It was amazing; the baby immediately stopped crying and stared at me. He was a beautiful kid and I could see a lot of Julie in him.

She took him back and rocked him to sleep and put him back in bed. She eased the bedroom door closed and came to where I was sitting on the sofa. She plumped herself down on my lap and with her arms tightly around my neck she started crying and berating herself:

"I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid. Oh, Dutch, can you ever forgive me?" And then shyly, "Dutch, I love you. I do, I love you so much. Can you ever forgive me for what I did to you? It was awful that the only one in town that respected you was Rose."

I just held her tight, not saying anything. I came to realize she was wearing only a thin sleeping gown for the warm evening. I was aware of her softness and curves and a faint scent of lilac coming from her hair.

I knew I could bed her here on the sofa but I didn't want it to be like that for our first time. I pulled her close and kissed her nose.

"What are you doing here, Julie? I mean, what is all this?" as I waved my arm at the room.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I came out to clean everything for you. It was really a mess. But I thought you were coming tomorrow, and ..."

I cut her off with our first passionate kiss. It lasted a long time and when she started wiggling around on my lap I thought we'd better have a cup of coffee.

We talked for a while, both of us gradually settlin' down. We talked of all the things that didn't make it to the letters and I told her my plans. I wasn't going back east again. That night I slept in the barn — it would be too hard on me to sleep on the sofa.

After breakfast the next morning I took them home in the buggy I rented. Her dad had dropped her off and was to have picked her up later in the day.

I started moving forward. I worked for Lance and learned a lot from him. He was really smart and knew the law inside and out. I set aside the money I'd got from Rose — enough for me to finish school in Boulder when the law school opened. I started using some of what was left.

I totally remade the farm. I tore down all the outbuildings and started remodeling the house. I made an oversized new kitchen, added a new large bedroom and made the living room bigger. I built a huge new barn. It was all lookin' really nice. Julie went out with her dad one day and cleaned up the rose bushes and planted a few new ones.

The next weekend when I took Julie and the baby out for a picnic I saw a new sign by the gate: "Roseland." Tears came to my eyes and I gave her a big hug for being so understanding.

I became more and more sure about what I wanted to do for Christmas ... except I wanted to do it on Christmas Eve. I wasn't sure that I'd ever want to celebrate anything on Christmas day again. This would make it four years since that awful day that changed my life so much.

I had all the work done on the house by now - it all came out wonderful. I wished I could have had a place like that for my mom.

I planned on bringing Julie, her dad and the baby out to stay the night. Now that there were three bedrooms I could do that. We had a nice dinner ... then it was time for presents.

We did the ones for the baby first. We opened the ones from her and her dad then I went into my bedroom and brought out a large bag. While I was in Boston I'd picked up some of the finest clothes for babies in the latest style. I'd talked to a lot of people about what size the baby would be by this time and I'd made sure to get winter clothes.

Julie cried when she saw what I'd done then put the baby to bed.

We exchanged the rest of the gifts and all I gave Julie was a nice pair of leather gloves. She obviously liked them but was looking around to see if there was anything else - she sure looked disappointed. I decided I'd been mean enough so I reached in my pocket and took out a small box. She was sitting on the horsehide sofa so I kneeled in front of her.

I took the ring from the box and slipped it on her dainty hand.

"Julie, I have loved you forever. Things happened that came between us but I never stopped loving you. Will you be mine, forever, darlin'?"

She threw herself at me and we held each other tightly, both of us laughing.

"Yes, yes, Dutch! I've prayed for this for so long. I'll make you the best wife ever."

I disentangled myself and sat her back on the sofa. Retrieving another large package from my bedroom I had Julie close her eyes while I opened it.

"Okay, Julie, open your eyes."

She gasped, turning pale. I thought she was going to faint. She tentatively touched the silk wedding dress, then took it and ran into her bedroom. She was gone for a long time and came back dressed like she had been. I knew she had tried it on but she didn't want me to see her in it.

The dress was off-white silk with a lot of lace. It was made in France and I was assured this was the latest style.

She came over and hugged me, crying again now. "Oh, Dutch, this is the most wonderful present and the most wonderful day of my life."

We went to bed late after the three of us sat around talking.

Later - it must have been around two in the morning - I heard a slight creak as my bedroom door opened, followed by a slight rustling. Julie slid into bed with me, coming close and holding me tightly.

"Oh, Dutch! I love you so much. Your gifts were precious and it was special of you to remember the baby."

We made slow gentle love that just felt right. Julie slipped out as the gray light of a cold Christmas morning dawned. Lying there awake I could feel the pain of that awful day four years ago slipping away. I felt at peace with all that had happened: my parents, my time alone, being taken in by Rose and losing her in such a terrible manner.

In April, Julie and I got married and in late September she presented me with a lovely daughter.

"Dutch, I want to name her Rose. Is that okay? She did so much for you ... and for us."

REPRISE

Now in the autumn of my years, I sit looking at my lovely Julie, our children Dutch and Rose, and our three grandchildren. It's another day of Christmas blessings ... with many memories to reflect upon.

Our son Dutch, lost an arm in that terrible war in France - but at least he came back - so many didn't.

I did go through the first law class at the University of Colorado. We moved into Denver and spent time at the place outside of Julesburg whenever we could.

When I graduated, I formed a partnership with two other students that worked out well. There was a dearth of lawyers in Denver at that time.

Years later I became a judge followed by several terms in the Colorado Legislature. They wanted me to run for the US Senate but I was ready to retire and spend more time at our place in Julesburg.

Many is the time I sit late at night in my office sipping on a brandy remembering Rose. She was a special woman dealt a hard hand by life. She taught me about love and responsibility and gave me the start I had needed. She taught me to be a man.