Happy New Year
written by:
Rob Conners

Happy New Year Rob Conners

Jace Goodwin was on his knees at the side of the bed praying to God. Praying that God would forgive him for the mortal sin that he was soon to commit. One that would more than likely earn him a place in Hell.

Jace was a man who had reached the end of his rope. His life was in the shitter. No job, not even a prospect, no money and worst of all a life without his wife . Of course his wife had been gone in all but name for a long while. But soon even that would be gone. He had listened, earlier today, to the message on the answering machine from his wife's attorneys office telling her that the divorce papers were ready to be served after the 1st.

It wasn't even like this was a suprise. He had seen it coming for awhile. She had become more and more distant over the last six months. She quit making excuses for her late hours and weekends away from home. She just came and went as she pleased with no explanations. He had been sure that there was another man in the picture.

Last night had removed all doubt. She brought him home. Jace saw them on the sofa making out like two teenagers. He heard them climb the stairs to the master bedroom that he had once shared with his wife, but not in over a year.

By rights he should have taken his .38 caliber pistol and kill both of them. But he knew that a lot of their problems were caused by him. His inability to get a job, his lack of education and mostly by his inaptitude in bed. Yeah, a lot of it was his fault, and he didn't need another mortal sin to add to the one he was soon to commit. The only way out. Suicide.

Jace had given it a lot of thought. It would end all of his earthly problems. The pain. The embarrassment. The shame. It would also save his wife the expense of a divorce. It was time for it to end. He had decided that he would ring in the new year and the end of his life at the same time.

Yeah, Happy New Year.

Across town his wife was at her mothers house. She had come to see her grandmother who was visiting for the holidays. Her Granny was her favorite person in the world. Granny had been her biggest supporter all her life.

But lately she had noticed a cooling of her attitude toward her. She had a good idea what it was about. Jace, her soon to be ex husband.

Granny had always thought the sun rose and set in Jace. She didn't understand what a liability he had become to the advancement of her career. Now Steve her now ex admirer was a different story. Tall, handsome, well educated, well dressed and gainfully employed. All the things Jace wasn't.

A small voice in the back of her mind said, "Yeah, but will he support your hopes and dreams and stand beside you during the bad times like Jace did."

She also had a guilty conscience about last night. She never meant for Steve to kiss her, not even considering making love to him in her bed. She had been slightly drunk, celebrating her latest victory in court. Steve had come in to pick up a case file and managed to talk her into a drink and things had gone from there. As soon as she got her mind back she had kicked him out of the bed, her room and the house and told him never to come back.

She hoped that Jace hadn't seen or heard anything. She had not had sex in any way with anyone but him, even though she knew Jace thought she had. She couldn't bring herself to violate her wedding vows in that way.

Her grandmothers first question was, "Where's Jace?" she asked

"At home I guess. We don't go out together anymore." She said

"He's your husband. You should be together." Stated Granny

She sighed. She hoped to get through the Holidays without telling her family about the divorce. Oh well."

"Not much longer. He'll get served the divorce papers after the first. He'll have to find someone else to live off of. I'm through with him. He's useless. No help with my career at all. More of a liability." She said in a haughty tone of voice.

Her granny suprised her. She rose from her chair and slapped her granddaughter across the mouth. "You little bitch! How dare you talk about Jace that way! If it wasn't for him you wouldn't have a career!"

"I worked for everything I have." She answered in a stunned tone

"That's crap and you know it. How about when Jace worked two jobs to get you through law school so you didn't have to work. To give you more time to study. How about the extra odd jobs he took to buy you the things you wanted. Went days without sleep so his wife wouldn't do without." Granny said

"But***." She tried to get out an excuse. But her mother cut her off.

"I never thought the day would come when I would be ashamed of my daughter. But I am now. All the days he supported you and your dreams, while leaving his behind. And now you treat him like this." Mother said shaking her head.

‘What dreams?" she snickered. "He doesn't have any. That's the problem. No ambition at all."

"You really are a self centered little Bitch. He had a full scholarship to Georgia Tech to study engineering. But he gave it up to help you reach your dreams. He never told you because he didn't want you to feel guilty. Little chance of that. Your so full of yourself that no one else matters. He worked that awful demeaning job for you." Granny shook her head

Her mother said, "All things considered, I guess the rumors are true then. I've heard that you've been seeing other men. Talk is all over town. Several folks have seen you including Jace's sister. When she told him he went ballistic and now they aren't speaking."

Granny slowly got of her chair and headed for the bedroom. She turned and looked at the granddaughter that had once been her pride and joy. "Don't ever speak to me again. Just pretend I'm dead. I have no time for a heartless shrew like you. Some one as shallow, self centered and unfeeling can't be any relation to me." She turned and walked away.

She looked at her mother in shock. Tears came to her eyes. "I'm so sorry Mom. I guess I let my career go to my head. Making partner became the most important thing to me. I haven't had sex with anyone but Jace in my life. I swear. I've gone out some but most of it was business related." She started to cry.

Her mom taking pity on her, pulled her into her arms, hugging her tight. "Honey, I know the truth hurts but you have gotten to big for your britches. And worst of all is how you have been treating Jace. I don't know if he told you, but his mother suffered from severe depression. She committed suicide after she found out his father was having an affair. On New Years Eve. Right at midnight. I think part of Jace's problems may be medical not motivational."

A look of horror crossed her face. She realized all the signs were there and she had ignored them. And last night she was sure she had seen Jace at the top of the stairs. Another thought struck her, the attorneys office had reached her on her cell about the papers. The paralegal said she had left a message on her home answering machine also. That means that Jace might have heard it. Oh God. What had she done?

She looked at her watch. It was 10:30. She had enough time to make it by twelve if she hurried.

"Mom I've got to get home. Jace may be trying to follow his mothers example. Tell Granny I'm sorry. I'm going to try to make it up to Jace if he'll let me." She kissed her mom and hit the door running.

Looking at the sky, she prayed, "God please let me get there in time."

Jace looked at the clock. 11:30. 30 more minutes to go. He closed his eyes. "I'll see you soon Mama. I understand now."

He had always held his mother's suicide against her. Blaming her for leaving him alone with an absent father more interested in his new wife and later on his new children. He had little time for his oldest child, a remainder of his first marriage and the subconscious guilt over his sons mother's suicide. But now Jace understood his mother's feelings as he watched his dreams slip away. The one he love the most in the world go on without him.

Jace remembered the happy times with his wife. The joy of new love. The pride in the fact that a sexy beautiful woman choose him to marry. The nights and days of wild sex. The joys of being together. The pride of seeing her graduate with honors from law school.

But that was the beginning of the end, soon the hours of work. The billable hours she was expected to produce. The nights he spent alone. The weekends alone. The business meetings she had to attend. The growing chasm between them.

Then he lost his job. It wasn't much of a job, but it did bring in some money. Then the blood pressure problems, the headaches, the peputial fatigue then the feeling of despair. Then the last straw, the loss of sexual function.

Soon they were sleeping in separate bedrooms, living separate lives. He was unable to stop the decline of their relationship. His wife didn't seem to care.

Jace checked the clock again, 11:50. Ten more minutes to the New Year. Ten more minutes and his pain would be over. He picked up the pistol from the bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready.

He wrapped a towel around his head as he sat in the shower stall. He figured this would be the easiest place to clean. He placed the fluffy pillow behind his head. Damn he forgot to turn on the television so he could do it as the ball dropped in Times Square.

Groaning he got up and walked to the living room, carrying the gun in his hand, to cut the television up and the surround sound on. As he started back to the shower, he heard the lock click on the back door.

Who in the hell was that, He sure didn't need a visitor now. To his suprise it was his wife Libby.

It was hard to tell who was the most suprised. They stared at each other for a minute, both speechless.

Libby looked at her husband of ten years. He was dressed in old running shorts with a wet seat, unshaven and a towel wrapped around his head and his pistol in his hand. My God. She had been right.

"Jace", she said as she walked toward him, "Give me the gun, Baby. Please."

"Why? I'm just saving you time and effort. When I'm dead, you won't have to file for divorce. Then you and your lover can be together. Of course my presence didn't stop you last night. You made out like teenagers on a sofa I bought, then you fucked on a bed I bought, in a house I made the payments on for six years." Said Jace in a calm voice

"Please Jace. We didn't have sex. I was drunk last night and lost my head. When I realized what was happening I kicked him out of the house. I have only had sex with one person. You. I don't care what anyone else told you. I know I've been a bitch and treated you like shit. I'm sorry. If you let me I'll make it up to you. If it takes my whole life, I swear." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Why this sudden change of heart?" he asked

"Granny and then my Mom." She answered

A slight smile on his lips, "Two of my most favorite women in the world. If I was going to be here for the divorce, I'd fight for custody of them. Both are great ladies." he said

"Well Granny slapped me in the mouth when I bad mouthed you. Then she told me some home truths that I had conveniently forgotten. Then Granny said she never wanted to talk to me again, to consider her dead. Then Mom said that she was ashamed I was her daughter."

"After I burst into tears, Mom told me about your mother and her depression and suicide. I realized after what you saw last night and the phone message from the lawyers office, what you might have planned. So I drove like a maniac to get here before midnight." Libby explained

Shrugging his shoulders, Jace said. "I guess your in time to watch if you want. I only have a minute to get in the shower. Have a good life." He then turned and headed for the bathroom.

Libby ran after him, snatching the gun from his hand. "Oh no you don't sucker! I almost got killed 12 times driving over here to keep you from doing this shit. I'm not about to fail." She hollered at him, her green eyes blazing.

He looked at her somewhat shocked by her rage and her snatching the pistol out of his hand. He was about to cuss her out when the ball dropped in Times Square ushering in the New Year.

"Oh well. Too late. I guess you have to wait till next year. That gives us a year to work on our lives together." She smirked at him.

"What is your problem?" he asked. " Just because you need to kiss up to Granny and mother to get back in their good graces, don't think I'm fooled. There is some way this will help your precious career. Maybe a husband who commits suicide is considered a black mark on your permanent record. I'm sorry, I do not trust you. At all."

Libby looked at him with tears in her eyes. Damn. She hadn't realized or even cared how much she had hurt him. Maybe there was no future for them. But she was determined to help him whether he wanted it or not. No matter what it cost her.

"Look Jace, I understand that you have no reason to believe me, but I mean what I say. Just give me a chance to prove myself. You don't have anything to lose. Please for the sake of what we once had let me try. Please."

"Yeah right. The checks in the mail too." He answered "Look, I don't understand what the deal is here. I don't really give a shit either. If you suddenly got religion or whatever, It's too late. What we had is long gone. You killed it."

He took a deep breath and went on. "I don't love you anymore. I haven't for at least six months. Maybe longer. The Libby I loved and married is long gone. Some corporate drone took her place. Her career is her god. Family, friends especially her husband mean nothing."

"The Libby I loved cared about others feelings, how her words and actions affected them. You don't care. The word is out all over town about you seeing other men. Did you care what that did to me, to my pride. Having all your friends either laughing at you behind your back or feeling sorry for you. Try it sometime."

"Jace I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you. It's true I didn't think about your feelings. I let my career take control of my life. But I don't want to lose you. Please give me a chance to make it right. Please." She said as she fell to her knees at his feet, tears falling from her eyes like the falls.

Jace was undecided. Was this some new trick to humiliate him further? Or was she really sorry? Despite what he just said he still loved Libby. She was the only woman he had ever loved. But did he dare take a chance on her? What she said was true. He really didn't have anything to lose.

"Get up Libby." He said pulling her to her feet.

She looked at him through her tear soaked lashes. "Please Jace. Give me a chance. Please?"

"Okay Libby. Let's sit on the sofa and talk." As they moved to the sofa and sat down.

"Now let me get this straight, You didn't screw that guy in my bed last night? But you were making out with him on the sofa. I saw his hand up your dress. I also saw the two of you go up the stairs and heard the door slam. I left the house after that and didn't come back until much later. But his car gone. So what you say could be true. But why were you kissing him instead of me?"

Libby looked him in the eye. "Jace I have many faults, I admit it. But being a liar is not one of them. You know that for a fact. I would never lie about something this important. I could never be with another man while I was still married to you. I have never had sex with anyone but you. You know I was a virgin when we made love the first time. No one but you. Ever."

"Last night I was drunk. I let Steve in so he could pick up a case file I was working on. We got to talking and had another drink. I let him take advantage of me. But once I realized where I was and what was happening, I kicked him out. I told him I never wanted to see him again unless it was business related and then only in the office."

"But you have been seeing him outside of work?" Jace asked

"Yes, I have. I'm not proud of that, but yes I have. I was lonely. I know that's no excuse, but that's the truth." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Your right Libby. That is no excuse. But if we're being honest here, I haven't been much company. I seem to spend all my wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself. I know it gets old after awhile. But I sometimes can't seem to stop it." He admitted

"Honey, that's part of the illness. You have depression. You need to be treated by a doctor and put on anti-depressants. I never bothered to pay attention before. You have all the signs and symptoms. I'm just sorry I had a one track mind about my career and never noticed. Again I'm sorry." She said

"My mother suffered from depression. I wonder if it's hereditary?" he wondered aloud

"Oh Shit." Jace said with a strange look on his face. "I was about to do the same thing that my mother did. At the same time of the year. Except she overdosed on sleeping pills. Oh shit!"

Libby looked at him with a look of concern on her face. "My mother told me about your mom. I realized that between you thinking I slept with Steve and the message about the divorce papers and your deep depression that suicide was a real possibility. That's why I drove like a manic to get here before midnight. I was scared that I'd lose you forever without you knowing how sorry I am for how I've acted and how much I still love you."

"Libby, how did things get so screwed up? I lied a minute ago when I said I didn't love you anymore. I still love you with all my heart. Losing you was the end of life. I had nothing to live for."

"Oh Jace." She said as she threw herself into his lap. "Baby I love you so much. Please give me a chance to prove it."

"Like you said, What do I have to lose? If your willing, I'm willing." He said smiling

She moved to kiss him but he pushed her away.

Libby's eyes again filled with tears thinking he was rejecting her.

Reading her look, Jace said, "No baby, I want to kiss you, but I stink. My personal hygiene has gone down the toilet along with everything else. Let me wash and brush my teeth. Then I'm gonna kiss your face off. Okay?"

"Want some help washing your rubber ducky?" she asked with a smile

Jace felt something in the lower part of his anatomy that he hadn't felt in months. The first sign of an aurosal.

"Oh hell yeah. Lets go." He said grabbing her hand heading for the bathroom off his room downstairs.

"Stop. Let's get in the whirlpool tub. Good for stiff muscles and other stiff things." She said with a impish smile. "You get the tub ready and I'll get us some wine."

Looking somewhat shocked at being invited into the master suite after all these months, Jace nodded his agreement and headed for the stairs.

Stopping on her way to the refrigerator, Libby cast her eyes skyward. In a quiet whisper she said " Thank you God for letting me be in time. And thanks for giving me family wise enough set me straight. I swear to you, I'll do all I can to Love and Cherish Jace the way he deserves. You can hold me to it. Thanks again God."After getting the chilled wine and two glasses she climbed the stairs to be with the man that held her heart in his hands.

EPILOGUE

Libby looked at her husband Jace as he played with their 18 month old daughter. She had brought so much joy and love into their lives. Clara had added a new reason for them to make their marriage work, beside the love that they had for each other.

She had been conceived in the tub that New Years Morning. Both of them had forgotten about protection. She and Jace had found a new level of love and understanding. They had washed each other in that big tub filled with bubbles. Then spent hours making love in all the old ways and some new ones. The floor had been awash with water, bubbles and wet clothes. But it was worth it, even having to fix the wet spot on the ceiling downstairs caused by all that water.

That morning had been the start of a new relationship. Love, understanding and respect were the ground rules. It had not been an easy journey and not without costs.

Jace was now under doctors care and on a strict diet and exercise program and on antidepressants. He had gone back to school and was working on his engineering degree. He worked part time as engineering assistant.

Libby had taken herself off the fast track. She went to work for a small family owned firm. The pay was less but the hours more manageable. She sometimes missed her fast paced job, but wouldn't trade her new life for anything.

It had taken awhile for her to return to her Granny's good graces. But when she announced she had left her job at the big firm and was pregnant that finished breaking the ice. Plus the love in her eyes when she looked at her husband.

Her life had turned out different from the way she had dreamed, but she wouldn't trade her improved life for anything.

Especially when she told Jace that she was pregnant again.

Life was good. Very good.

AUTHORS NOTE: I KNOW THIS IS NOT MY USUAL TYPE OF STORY, BUT IT CAME TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT. AS A PERSON WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION, I KNOW HOW EASY IT CAN BE TO SLIP OVER THE EDGE. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT SHOW ANY OF THE SYMPTOMS DESCRIBED IN THIS STORY PLEASE GET HELP. FOR FURTHER INFO GO TO: http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/l/bldepscreenquiz.htm

Happy holidays to all!